hello.... goodbye...

This have been very hectic this past week and I am looking forward to Thursday. This past weekend I was unable to go to Shackelford Island as planned due to pressing coursework. However, at this point I have successfully taken of the two tests and finished a paper. I am pleased overall, at the moment, but there is still much work to be done.

So, I am sitting here at my favorite coffee shop, lured away from my studies to post a quick update and share these pictures. The flowers below were at a house near my apartment, which have since been butchered by the cold weather or the lawn care person. The sunrise photo was taken last week on a morning when I awoke early and while taking Karza for her morning walk, I was greeted with sun's beautiful rays. Every day the sky is gorgeous here, even on the overcast days, I wish I could share them all.

neighbour's flowers


morning sunrise

Today is a sad day. I awoke this morning to NPR as I do most every morning, and instead of hearing about the horribleness of a hurricane's wrath or the war in Iraq, they were informing everyone that Rosa Parks passed away. It was her time; she was 92 years old and though I was not alive when she so stubbornly and stoically created a small ripple that changed the United States forever, I feel some remorse that such a modest soul is no longer with us. I have held her in my thoughts and wish her well on her next journey. May she go on to be apart of even more revolutionary events.

Have computers and other technological gadgets become the pacifiers of adults? I offered this speculation to some undergraduate students, one of which was listening to an iPod at the time and did not appreciate my comment. The feelings I have toward my computer are similar to those of a small child and their blanket, pacifier, or in the case of a young lisa... my pillow.

In taking a short stroll through campus, individuals who are not listening to a music device or talking on a cell phone are few and far between.. they are almost an endangered species. We should save this species! Have fundraisers and concerts to aid in the protection of these individuals.

But seriously, I find it disheartening that people choose to not interact nor be present in their environment. If the environment is not conducive for their needs, due to loud traffic or obnoxious background noise, perhaps there are others that feel the same way and the environment should be modified. Modify the environment? What a dominantly human thing to say! However, the obnoxiousness of the environment normally is created by anthropogenic actions... those are the ones we should alter. I have yet to hear someone complain about the wind rustling the leaves on the trees or the rain musically tapping the ground.

There is so much to do that I am being propelled forward, when sometimes all I really want to do is enjoy moments of the past... time spent... stories shared.

However, the anticipation of moments to come partially motivate the forward movement. The pleasure of taking pride in one's work only occurs after hours of what seems like endless effort.

Independent coffee talk

Sitting here at the little coffee shop downtown, I can't help but wonder if they are going to be closing. Though I cannot bare to ask, for if that is so, I do not want to know the answer. It is the only coffee shop in town that is not a chain or restaurant and it's conveniently located in the downtown area, referred to here as 'uptown'. They are trying to refurbish the area but people don't seem to come down here. It's almost like business suicide.

The owner seems a bit down, but that may be sue to other circumstances. See, I come in often and purchase coffee, but rarely stay. They are familiar with me but no connection exists. Always on the run, with little time to stop and socialize, but I am here now, and it is empty... with good music playing in the background and the owner taking a smoke break out front... I dare to ask him.

Workng away....

Sometimes I wonder what it's all for. Each person has their own objective.... having a family and kids, idly working away the remainder of time here on earth, or trying to make some small contribution to the world. It's so easy to keep one's head down low, working away, meeting the immediate deadlines, but what about the overall picture? I think I see it sometimes... a glimmer here and there, and then I get a bad grade and it makes me so discouraged, thinking it was all in vain. There has to be something more to life than that... or at least that is what I keep telling myself.

Sometimes I just feel like an ant, whose missing out on the surrounding world.

Park Outings

About 30 minutes east of Greenville, there is state park with wonderful trails and cheap primitive campsites. Here are some pictures I took on a recent visit. Unfortunately, these pictures are not all that I brought back with me from the park. I also brought back tons of tiny ticks. I must have hit a tick bomb while hiking and did not know until much later.

Thankfully, the itching has finally subsided.... it only took a week. A few bites, I can handle, but when there are that many..... it's so uncomfortable. After half a week of not sleeping, I was introduced to a good friend Benadryl. We became close friends and soon rest arrived.

The park was beautiful though. The water was sparkling like gemstones. I filled out paperwork to start volunteering and will hopefully be doing so in the next few weeks. I'll let you know how the camping goes.

Staring thoughts

Last night, laying on the bed, I stared at the ceiling fan. The dust collected on the edges of the blades did not move. It was so still the shadow cast on the ceiling was perfect, blending into the popcorn pattern behind it. My eyes slowly moved across the room and I saw that everything was still. Nothing was moving... Then, I heard the rain, small water droplets pounding against the hard brick and cement outside the screen door. The sound of the rain, the sound of movement, contradicted the stillness of the room I was surrounded by. The only thing in the room moving was me, I realized. The rising and falling of my chest... breathing. I noticed my breathe began to shallow and it was as if I was trying to be still too. But then, unconsciously my rib cage expanded I inhaled a large breathe, a survival instinct. As my focus returned to water drops listening to the random symphonious sound, I realized... I am alive, I am living. Not by conscious action, but by instinct. Then my breathe began to shallow....

present state...hoping to pass

yet another sleepless night
not from worries
but from bites

a nature outing
now an itching fest
with upset sores spewing puss

a graphic image
yes i know
but to feel it
even more so

medicate,
i did last night
and sleep fell heavily
like a fogged high

hard to wake
still in a fog
because of benadryl
which worked so well

sleeping hard
not itching had
awakened slumbers
of the night past.

While biking

Tired and physically drained from not getting enough sleep the night before, I trudged up the 5th Street hill on the north side of campus. Warm, smooth, creamy latte in possession, and almost out of breathe, I looked to the right at the Liberal Arts building as if I was seeing it for the first time. Then, my thoughts quickly changed to the moment I had seen taken in the interesting view for the first time. It seems like ages ago but was not. When I had come up to interview for the grad position, I later accepted, it was one of the few buildings I remembered in the blur of the visit. The air was crisp and cold, and we took a few pictures before heading back south.

This led me to think of how I have been here 4 months now, and it still feels new and foreign. This is not a bad feeling, it's just that it makes me wonder if I will ever feel apart of this place. My home is here, in my humble abode and that feels familiar and I thought I would finally have a 'home', a place I have not felt in a long time. Yet, it makes me wonder..... if that will ever happen.

Sometimes I think I may be afraid. It seems that which we yearn for, we are also scared of. However, I think this is different, but at the same time, I do not feel I will ever have that same feeling. Maybe 'home' is simply a concept that does not exist as I have imagined?

Morning market moments

After staying up too late printing the maps for the crew leaving Monday, I tried to go to bed early so as to make it to the Farmer's Market this morning. All the asking and searching around paid off when, a few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a farmer's market hidden on the southern apart of town.

It was nice to see the fresh vegetables in baskets and they even had eggs. I purchased a carton of small eggs for $1, ah... fresh eggs. I can't wait to have chickens on some property and collect fresh eggs and watch little chicks hatch. There was also a woman selling hot tamales and turnovers. I bought an apple one and a sweet potatoe with pecan and coconut one. The apple one was good, I'm eating that with my coffee,as this is being typed, and the sweet potatoe one I am saving for later.

There were not as many vendors as at the Raleigh Farmer's Market, pictured to the right. I stopped there when I went over a few weeks ago for work. It was the middle of the week, but there were lots of vendors, vegetables, and flowers for sale.

Thanx

Thank-you all for the wonderful birthday wishes. It made me feel very loved and I appreciated it very much. Hope all is going well with everyone. Things have been very busy lately with the meeting on the 19th and 20th. Most of the crew is heading out on a 2 week research cruise soon and I've been busy making maps for the trip. I really want to go but missing 2 weeks of classes after just having missed about a week, does not seem like a good idea. Reide tells me tonight that they may have a bunk open though, if I still would like to go..... I think he just likes to give me a hard time, know how badly I want to go.

Just wanted to let you all know I really appreciated the birthday wishes and will hopefully be updating this blog soon.

Nighttime fun

So.... last night I got to go see a show.... in an awesome little venue.... over in Chapel Hill. Who was it I ventured almost two hours to see???? Well, Mike Doughty, of course. Being that I cannot remember what the last concert I went to was, aside from Bonnaroo, I was stoked to be going. It was arranged suddenly, all within the afternoon before leaving, but I'm happy I go tot go.

Though I was not able to see Soul Coughing, this was highly enjoyable. Mike Doughty has been doing more acoustic stuff solo, which is pretty good. I had a copy of a live show he did and bring there last night was like I was at that show.

The venue is called Cat's Cradle and is this awesome little place. I felt like I should go and sit down up front for story time, like I was in preschool. When we got there, there were two guys on stage, one singing and playing guitar and one playing keyboards. He was pretty good but it seemed like he was all over the place with his style, which can be a good thing, but it made me wonder if he was still finding his and imitating others in the mean time. There were free CDs of his music available.

Cat's Cradle has some good shows coming up, including Death Cab for Cutie, which I was thinking about heading back over for. So... if you wanna join me, head up, down, or over and we can go together.

upon the rails
among the weeds
i had a moment of
serenity ...MD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's wonderful how within one day someone can emotionally go full circle and end up higher than when they started. What is even better is when it lasts over to the next day.

One day, soon hopefully, I will be able to fully concede to life's occurrences and not endure, but embrace life's painfulness and delightfulness; because even in the most painful moments, there is something beautiful about it.

Perhaps it is simply that we are alive
or that we can feel.

A loss doesn't hurt
unless you've been touched.

For pains of sorrow
stem from love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes spinning in circles just seems like the right thing to do.

Goings on...

The weekend has arrived and I am feeling the blissfulness of Friday. Moods have been changing from one extreme to another recently. It's quite a ride and though I would like to get off every now and then, the anticipation of the unknown keeps me going.

When I stop and think about it, I am pretty much behind in work and my hobbies, like updating this blog, but the courseworkis good, as far as I know. On top of trying to figure out how to manage taking 2 weeks off of course work, for a research cruise I was invited to go on, and desperately want to do, tomorrow morning Ari and I are leaving to head over to the OBX to collect data at her 2 field sites. What more could one ask to do for thier weekend?

I'm very excited, which usually happens when I get to do field work, and I am familiar with her sites and what she we are going to be doing. The best part is that we are going to be camping at Cape Hatteras National Seashore. This means I get to visit the lighthouse, YIPEE!!! Last time, we didn't go; so this time, I'm definately doing it. On top of all that, Karza is coming, which makes it even better. I enjoy taking her places, and she loves to go wherever. Hopefully, I will be able to post a few pix.

Lullings

He roams my thoughts,
randomly appears.
Triggering emotions,
to which I succumb.

Legs become weak,
arms begin to shake.
Not through joy,
but anger and hate.

Left feeling weak,
composure lost.
I pick myself up,
and try to move on.

Surfacing...

No, No, No,
I cannot play.
No, not with you.
No, not today.

Yes, I want to.
It would be fun,
but I have another
I am thinking of.

Disgruntled citizens unite!

In case you have read this, you should! I am not a huge fan, but there are somethings I agree with him on and this is one of them!

Feelings & Rantings

So recently, the fall semester of classes has started.... Though I have been out of the course load for a time, I did not think it would take that much to ease myself back into it. Well, I was right but, I am having trouble juggling work as well. I want to concentrate solely on the course work.

Also, I feel like I am constantly grasping to try and keep up. I feel like things are getting away from me and there are not enough hours in the day. Like this blog, for instance, I have some pix and things waiting to be put up for a few weeks now, but because they are not a priority, they get pushed aside. The only thing is, this blog is kinda like one of my hobbies.

Perhaps that is the problem, I have too many hobbies... too many things I'm interested in and want to put my nrgs into. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that this is just the beginning.....

It also makes me think... when am I going to be able to share my life with someone and embrace theirs, when I don't feel like I am handling mine well? Perhaps that is why I have not met someone... but I think it is because I am trying to coerce my heart, which is throwing a temper tantrum and refuses to move on.

Disrupting feelings

It was a beautiful afternoon. The air was crisp and light in humidity. As the breeze swept through the small apartment, I thought of those who spoke so fondly of the North Carolina weather.

The weekend had been productive, mostly spent studying and reading up so as not to get behind. Though I had wanted to get away for the holiday weekend and explore the foothills of the mountains, it seemed better to stay and concentrate on school. Gas has become a more precious commodity than before and it did not seem worthwhile to consume so much. So, those plans were put off until fall break in mid October.

Sitting at the newly acquired used kitchen table, enjoying the breeze and studying statistics, a feeling overwhelmed me. It was so strong, it was amazing to feel so weak in a matter of seconds. If I would have not been sitting, I would have fallen to the floor. My arms began to shake and I felt sick to my stomach, wanting to vomit, but so scared at the same time. It came on strong and quick, like no other energy moved before. Only one person entered my thoughts and my first instinct was to ring him, but then I thought it may be because he was doing something and I should not interrupt. However, the self control was not enough and so I called.

"Hi." I hear on the other end of the phone, slightly surprised and happy to hear from me, "How are you?"

"I'm fine", I reply, "how are you though?"

"Oh, I'm fine, I was just...."

Apparently, nothing had happened... as of yet. What was interesting to me was that I did not feel he was in danger, it was not one of those types of cautious feelings; I felt as though he had moved on, that he had kissed someone... someone else. It seemed that that was what those feelings were about, but they were much more than jealousy. There was something more there...

The norm

I've noticed that since I've moved here, for some reason feeling like an outsider isn't that bad. It seems to be alright, somewhat comforting even. However, in Florida, it was not. I started extrapolating on this thought and asking why?

Why is it ok here, but not there? From what I could come up with it was because I seem to have a relationship, or at least the illusion of one with the place from which I came. It is as though I was birthed from there, where yes I was and I remained there for my entire non-adult life, but I am not the genetic make up of that area... I am human, though others there are human, they come from foreign places. Foreign to the area, so therefore I should not base my un-normal behavior on such peoples.

So, what happens when there is a continuous influx of people? The norm changes and so, my peoples are gone. However, I think I will find them again, in a different form. As life has changed me, it has changed them too.

The Raleigh realization

Sitting in the grass, blanketed with pine needles, listening to the faint sound of the city... the hypocrisy settles in. A small town girl, in awe of the large city, I stare at the large buildings and meticulously organized layout of roads, walkways, and structures. Just a few days ago I was ranting about the destructiveness that humans cause, but what I failed to address was the beauty that can be created from the destructiveness..

What is beautiful about a downtown area converted from natural forest or some other wonder that no longer exists there? It is the beauty of variation in architectural design and the ordered pattern of one way streets and underground garages created by planners, which culminate into a place of work, education, pleasure, and other activities for the human race. It is why people are in love with metropolitan cities.

Similar to a forest or natural spring, cities consist of large scale interconnected relationships. However, unlike a forest, these relationships all directly benefit humans and no other. Yet, sitting here, I have the same humbling feeling. The feeling that if I was not here, everything would go on with little adjustment. It is the humbleness of standing alone in the middle of a forest and realizing that you are just a minor fraction of something grandiose, something much larger than you.

For some reason, I find comfort in this, both in the city and in the places untouched by human development.

You've got to check this out!

Not all hope is lost...

Upon sitting, staring blankly at the computer screen, I decided it was a good idea to take a little stroll to the downtown area and get a not so great cup of coffee, from a tea shop. Note: the teas shop has wonderful teas but coffee is not their specialty and the coffee shop next door closed during the summer and so to satiate the coffee drinkers, they started brewing very strong coffee, but no expresso drinks. In passing a bakery, that had been mentioned previously in passing conversation, I decided to enter and see what they had to offer.

The store front is not much to speak of, but their goods look delicious and well priced as well, not hiked up as in most coffee shops. In conversing with the gentlemen at the counter, I learn that they are looking into having acoustic music on Wednesday evenings, he and the owner are in an acoustic group, and are also looking to purchase an expresso machine. Sounds like there is my new favorite hang-out.

However, I continue my venture and notice that the coffee shop that was closed is now reopened with a new name. They have free wireless internet, will have music, movie nights, and even good coffee. Java City has not yet succeeded in taking over.

In talking to the gentleman at Upper Crust, the bakery, he also mentioned that some places are currently being renovated, because they are trying to give the downtown area a face lift and bring in more business, and are going to be having live music.

So, it looks like things here are not going to be as desolate and unexciting after all. At least I will have a few places to go... aside from my little abode. Though Java Lounge, in Gainesville, closed recently prospects here look good.

It's all just fun and games.....

Humans are ever puzzling creatures.

While enjoying a friendly game of bowling last night, I took a few moments to look around and observe the situation. Seeing these oddly put together organisms grasping these brightly coloured round objects, proceeding to approach a line, and then hurl the brightly coloured round object down a narrow floor with a divet on each side, so it can collide with plastic white somewhat hour-glass shaped objects at the other end. The brightly coloured round object is then mechanically sent back to the human and they do it again, and again, and again....

When did this action come about and how did it get incorporated into human ways? Primal peoples would be more concerned with survival and the things connected to it. So, in my opinion, it goes back to the time when humans were no longer hunter gatherers and began to harness their farming capabilities. This event was drastic in human culture because nature and the earth was not something a human lived in and with, but something they controlled and manipulated. It started the disconnection of humans and their environment.

Once humans improved in their farming practices, it freed up time. Because humans were able to decimate the predator population, they were not concerned if they were going to be eaten or killed in any way. Humans then had time to use their intellect developing games and entertaining ways to pass the time.

Over time, society has become consumed with the concept and that is what humans live for. They work to make money to do the things they enjoy, because most of the time, they do not enjoy their work. It has become a means to an end. Some people struggle... to incorporate their work and their life into something meaningful to them and it is their contribution to the world. However, that is not the perception held by the majority of humans today. The fixation to be entertained and consume is driving the human population further from their origin, further from the earth, further from their home.

Just think if each human only possessed what they needed to survive, how much more of the environment would exist that is currently covered in asphalt, trash, and unused items.

Weekend ventures

The weekend adventure had to be something quick and close by, because the large comprehensive test is approaching and much studying is still needed. That being said, and still feelin' the urge to explore, I set out to visit the historic town of Washington.

Washington, is only about 20-30 minutes down SR 264, on the Tar-Pamlico River.The downtown area is wuite nice, it reminded me of historic 5-points in Jacksonville, but still a functioning part of the part and not just a hang-out for lost adolescents and young adults. Let me state that the last time I went to 5-points, I was one of those adolescent/young adults, with a lot of time to waste. So, if it is different now, I apologize.

Anyway, the downtown area was rather large and most of the building were in use, not like here in Greenville, where they are trying to revitalize the downtown, but residents would rather shoppe at the commercial chains detrimental to locally owned stores.

Stepping away from the soapbox now....

The town was nice. Being right on the river, they have a well kept dock area and a good amount of public parking. Because I went on a Sunday morning, most of the stores were closed. There were a few that would like to go back and visit. As I was leaving, tucked away down one of the streets was a small Panaderia [spanish bakery]. I can't wait to go back and visit that; their pastries are oh so good!

YIPEE!!!!! Field Trip

In a meeting, about a month or so ago, the people involved in project I'm working on, referred to from now on as the NOAA project for simplicity, gathered to discuss possible sites along the study the area, the Neuse Estuary.

During the meeting it was agreed to try and have a meeting with the other 2 groups; there are 3 groups total working on this NOAA project. NOAA funded three research projects looking at different aspects of sea-level rise effects on estuarine shorelines. The purpose of the meeting is to see if the three groups want to try and have a common site so that when all the data is collected and the models merged, there will be one commonality within the three.

Ok, everyone set aside two sets of dates to try and coordinate with the other groups. After one of the dates was set, it was proposed to use the other dates to have a field trip to check out the proposed areas. Once the date of the meeting was set, this seemed to fall by the waste side, but I did not forget and brought it up a few weeks ago. Upon inquiring about a possible field excursion, I was told if I wanted to organize it, it could happen.

Needless to say, I was a bit apprehensive.. organizing an excursion and trying to coordinate something involving people I have yet to meet was a bit intimidating. However, I was able to get a grip and everything ended up working out well. In the beginning, it seemed that a few of the small group were not going to be able to make it; however, everyone ended up being able to go.

It was great to finally get to see the areas up close. Looking at them on a computer screen is nothing compared to being there in person. Though many people do not like marsh and think they are worthless, they are very beautiful. I had never taken so many pix of marsh in my life.

Here are my two advisors. JP on the left, he is the GIS guy and has done a lot of sediment movement research. Reide is my main advisor, on the right. He is a chemical oceanographer and had to go out on a cruise that morning and joined us later in the afternoon.

Ah,the synthesis of biology and geology... who would have thought?

It was amazing to see the difference between the bulkheaded areas and those that have naturally been able to recede. Whoever said marshes were not beautiful? They didn't know what they were talking about.

What is weird for me, is that this area is protected by the barrier islands and therefore is only worked and reworked by large storms. The pocket sediment bank beaches is not from erosion of the land, but from deposition by storms carrying sand inward from the barrier islands. It's hard to not think of the area, so close to the ocean, not having tidal fluctuations.

The perfect ending to a hard days work!

The most beautiful and most profound experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their primitive forms - this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness.

( Albert Einstein - The Merging of Spirit and Science)

Outings and explorations

So, I decided to do a bit of exploring... and hit the beach while I was at it. I just can't stay away....

Down the road from Atlantic beach, the closest ocean beach, is Fort Macon. Being that it was built between 1826-1834, it is in great shape, compared to the Castillo de San Marco. However, the Castillo is 300 years older, made of coquina, and endured many years of salt water weathering. Fort Macon is built with brick and though is located on an inlet, I do not think it had a moat. There is a draw bridge, but the area on the outside of what would be a moat is full of entrances and windows into rooms.

The fort sits on a hill at the northern end of a barrier island. It looks out into the ocean (east), to the inlet (north), and to the intercoastal waterway (west). The island is not very wide and one could walk from side to side in a matter of minutes. The center of the fort is somewhat tear-dropped shaped.

The lighting was beautiful! I had a wonderful time taking many many pictures. In am not quite sure how to describe the fort, perhaps colonial, but definitely not spanish style, though the archways were rather low.
Aside from the center building of the fort, the other rooms and areas were mostly under the earth, but faced out toward the center building. This was the only lighting coming in, and it was very beautiful.

The fort would have been great for a childhood, or adult for that matter, game of hide and seek, especially at night. My little kid was having a great time. Though there were a few times when I was not able to see into some areas and got a wee bit of a creepy feeling...

I like this one... I think it's because you cannot quite make out the detail, like an oil painting.

The abode

Well, I finally took some pictures of the apartment.

Here's a picture of the apartment buildings in which I live. Mine is number 5, a very good number indeed. It seems that people around here have a thing with red doors, I don't quite get it, but it seems to be very common.

The apartment consists of 3 rooms with two entrances/exits facing east and west, which I like a lot. It creates a nice cross breeze through the house with the doors and windows open. As you walk in through the front door, you enter the living room/kitchen area. I have yet to get a small table b/c I am not sure if I will have enough room for it, but I'd really like one.

Then you walk through the door on the opposite wall as the front door, into the bedroom with the bathroom off to the right side. Basically, the apartment is shaped like a square, broken up into two rectangles. The first rectangle is the living room/kitchen and the second rectangle consists of two squares, one large and one small. The bedroom is the larger square with the smaller square being the bathroom.

Going out the back door into the backyard, which is nicely sized, there is a small stoop with a few brick steps, like in the front. Outside, there are two comfy lounge chairs to sit and ponder. I like to lay on the bed, looking out through the screened door and watch the birds. They go through the bird seed so quickly!

I enjoy the apartment a lot. I really like living on my own and it's a good size, not too big and not too small, quite perfect actually. I just hope money doesn't get too tight, b/c I'd like to stay in this apartment. It's only 4 blocks from campus and I come home for lunch a lot.

I'm also looking into using snapfish to upload photos for you guys to view. You would also be able to purchase them and they would be shipped to your door for a mere 12 cents a piece... not bad, eh. Has anyone used this before?

What's stimulating you?

Recently, while purchasing a DVD, I realized that they have become cheaper than music CDs. For some reason, this doesn't seem to make sense. Even the cheapest movie probably cost more to make than a music CD. So, does that mean that people are watching more movies than listening to music?

Anyone who drives has witnessed the people, including myself on occasion, who are jamming out some type of music, and then there are the people who like to share their music with everyone... within a mile radius.

It still makes me wonder. For instance, I purchased three DVDs the other day for a whopping $16.00. Granted, the cover of one was to in the best condition, but that is the price for one CD! I wonder if the price of CDs are going to come down. Before long musicians are going to have to be able to fill a 700MB CD with MP3s, now that's a lot of music.

Lips that taste of tears, they say,
Are the best for kissing.
- Dorothy Parker

Update

Ok, so this past week hasn't been the easiest.... but hey, there is a meteor shower tonight. Just goes to show that no matter how sh*tty or great things are, time keeps moving on with or with out you. It's kinda refreshing in a way.... because you know it will all work itself out in the end. It's just a matter of dealing with it in the meantime. As long as I keep on breathing, I know I'm living, which means it'll all pass.

At the bottom looking up

It amazes me every time...
like it's never happened before.

Things are moving along fine,
and then BOOM -
someone slams the door.

The room is closed off,
overwhelmed with emotion...

Dealing with these events,
doesn't seem like an option.

Acting from feelings
of sadness and loss,

Things out of control
for that is the cost.

Full of peaks and valleys,
we continue the ride.

Waiting for the next thrill,
of a door to open wide.

Memo

I posted some pix from the field work over in the Outer Banks (OBX). It's on a blog dated for July 19th. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do about posting pix. I would like to have an online album for you guys to see what's going on. I'll keep you to date though.

Convalescent

How shall I wail, that wasn't meant for weeping?
Love has run and left me, oh, what then?
Dream, then, I must, who never can be sleeping;
What if I should meet Love, once again?

What if I met him, walking on the highway?
Let him see how lightly I should care.
He'd travel his way, I would follow my way;
Hum a little song, and pass him there.

What if at night, beneath a sky of ashes,
He should seek my doorstep, pale with need?
There could he lie, and dry would be my lashes;
Let him stop his noise, and let me read.

Oh, but I'm gay, that's better off without him;
Would he'd come and see me, laughing here.
Lord! Don't I know I'd have my arms about him,
Crying to him, "Oh, come in, my dear!"

Dorothy Parker

She Was a Phantom of Delight

She was a Phantom of delight
When first she gleamed upon my sight;
A lovely Apparition, sent
To be a moment's ornament;
Her eyes as stars of Twilight fair;
Like Twilight's, too, her dusky hair;
But all things else about her drawn
From May-time and the cheerful Dawn;
A dancing Shape, an Image gay,
To haunt, to startle, and waylay.

I saw her upon nearer view,
A Spirit, yet a Woman too!
Her household motions light and free,
And steps of virgin-liberty;
A countenance in which did meet
Sweet records, promises as sweet;
A Creature not too bright or good
For human nature's daily food,
For transient sorrows, simple wiles,
Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears, and smiles.

And now I see with eye serene
The very pulse of the machine;
A Being breathing thoughtful breath,
A Traveller between life and death;
The reason firm, the temperate will,
Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;
A perfect Woman, nobly planned,
To warn, to comfort, and command;
And yet a Spirit still, and bright
With something of angelic light.

William Wordsworth

Love lost
parted ways

Love still felt
it's presence dismayed

Why deny
what is felt by both?

For simple ease,
maturity and growth.

Lingering questions

How can something so wonderful be so painful?

How can someone so thoughtful and caring cause one to hurt?

Why is change equated with loss?

When it is what is best for all, why does it bring grief?

If love was more simple, would it still be as beautiful?

Longing for that which is not there

The efflux of the soul is happiness, here is happiness,
I think it pervades the open air, waiting at all times,
Now it flows unto us, we are all rightly charged.

Here rises the fluid and attaching character,
The fluid and attaching character is the freshness and sweetness of a man and a woman,
(The herbs of the morning sprout no fresher and sweeter every day out of the roots of themselves, than it sprouts fresh and sweet out of itself.)
Toward the fluid and attaching character exudes the sweat of the love of young and old,
From it falls distill'd the charm that mocks beauty and attainments,
Toward it heaves the shuddering longing ache of contact.

taken from Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman

Another day...

Like most days, today involved throwing myself into various brick walls, i.e. getting frustrated in that I could not get anywhere with work and feeling as though I was not accomplishing enough... though I spend most of my time in front of this computer.

However, unlike most days, I was visited by my P.I., just checking in top see if I was doing ok. Initially, I was nervous thinking I had to have something to produce and felt like I had nothing.... however, he came just after I had managed to at least display the data in a way that worked, though it was not how I had wanted.

Needless to say, it went well and I felt like I had done a good job... at least he seemed to be impressed. So, I get a nice pat on the back... a 'way to go!'.... things I need every now and then.

Sometimes I wonder what it is all for.......

the little accomplishments.

Post weekend tired business

This past weekend was not very busy, but I am exhausted! It was wonderful to have a double wammi of company with Matthew coming up Thursday evening and then Danielle and Dan coming up Friday evening.

We went exploring Saturday, but did not venture into anything very eventful except for the happening restaurant in Swan Courter, called the Grille. If you didn't quite pick up on it that was extremely sarcasm. Actually, I enjoyed my fish sandwich; it was much better than the fast food kind. That night we went out for a few drinks to Christie's Euro Pub. It was enjoyed all around. However, it made me realize how old I am being that we went out before it was dark and got back to the house around 11p.m.

Sunday, Matthew and I made it over to the beach late in the afternoon. It was really nice weather and the wind was even a bit chilly. I'm looking forward to going over whenever I have the free time.

As for now... lots to do.

Workin' hard

After going bowling last night, and having my best game ever, I met up with Kolt at 8 a.m. this morning to give him a hand out in the field. He had to go to some of his sites and collect data, and since I loves field workin', I said I'd help out. Kolt is also from Florida and attended UF as well, but we didn't meet until we were both here. Today was nice... being outside is always a pleasure in addition to going to new places, what more could one ask?

So, a short day in the filed is followed by a leisurely swim at the pool and a bit of sun bathing. Now back to work.... to the daily grind. But looking forward to more of the same.

Ok, so I maxed out my photobucket online photo album and am looking for an alternative. I can upgrade for $25/year to 1GB but I was also looking at smugmug, has anyone used this or have any other suggestions?

I was also thinking of making my own webpage, since I want to learn html anyway, but I don't really have time for that right now.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Some pictures taken one of the days we were working in field.... This storm got us moving quickly.

It is a nice field site. I wouldn't mind having to go out once a month and collect data. We were collecting data and taking various measurements of the wells, the circular things in the ground we had put in earlier in the week, for Ari's project. We had to dig out the holes, usually put casing in, which is a large expensive hollow pvc pipe, and then insert the well. The well consists of a smaller pvc pipe with a plastic filter on the bottom, to let water in but keep sand out. She then lowered lagers, which collect data at set intervals.

These sites are located near SR 12 on the OBX. It's like A1A in Florida. It's the main road that runs down the barrier islands.

Here's a pix of JP, one of my advisors, and I working at sites farther North from the others, hence there is no storm.

This pix was taken on the sound side of the road. Ari, the one with the laptop, Twaumly, and I workin' hard.

Return from OBX

Survival in the Outer Banks was tough....naw, just joking. It was more like a vacation. Hot and sweaty working all day in the sun, a dip in the ocean afterwards to cool off and clean up and then dinner and getting to know knew people. Mixed in with a few late nights and some exploring and then high tailing it back west. Further exploration is definitely a must.

Were we were at, near Jockey's Ridge State Park and Kitty Hawk, the ocean water was calm with waves rolling in close to shore, not good for body boarding. Being over there made me realize how much I miss it.... just being on or near the ocean.

Hopefully, one day I'll be able to call a place near the beach my home and watch the changing shoreline being wisped away and return. But for now, I am here in Greenville, enjoying my time and keeping busy with an endless list of 'To Do' activities. Anxiously awaiting a visit from old friends and those soon to come.

Off to the field....

The weekend in Fl went well. Did not have much time but I think it was nice to get to visit with a few people. I arrived Friday afternoon and was soon there after dragged into the 'family photos' at Matthew's mom's wedding. The pix are going to be viewable online; when I get the link, I'll post it here and you can take a peak. The wedding was held at Hanna park in North Jax. Beach. I enjoy the park so much... it's beautiful. Shortly after the ceremony we headed down to the beach for a quick dip. It was great! Unfortunately though, due to the weather, there were a lot of strong rip currents.

Sunday afternoon, I headed back north to Greenville and today, I am going out to Nags Head, on the Outer Banks, to join the others for some field work the rest of the week. We are going to be staying in Nags Head and working north of the thick part of Cape Hatterus, where is turns in, towards the mainland, and also south of Cape Hatterus, in the Buxton area. The house is located on a wildlife preserve and there is no television so, it will be nice. I hope to get some good pictures, take a stroll around the preserve, and get to enjoy the beach some.

I hope all goes well and I do not get sick with the flu. I was able to get away without catching it Saturday, may have been infected Sunday. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

You have to read this I don't know about you guys but, I can account to having been apart of 5 or more of the listed items, which apparently means that I am a devil worshiper and desperately need help and have "gone astray from the Lord." It severely saddens me that there are people out there that truly believe this sh*t!

Busy bees buzz merrily

Things have been a bit crazy lately. Not crazy interesting, just crazy busy. I'm going to be heading south tomorrow morning to attend Matthew's mother's wedding. It will be nice to see you guys again. I was hoping we could have a beach day Saturday, but it looks like the rains from the tropical storm may intervene. It may still be possible though.

After driving back up Sunday morning, I am supposed to meet a group of people over on the outerbanks to help with field work for the rest of the week. I'm excited! Days spent sweating toxins away and working my nonexistent butt off, yipee! And that is said without a hint of sarcasm. Unfortunately, I will not be able to bring Karza with me, but a few graduate students have offered to take care of her for me. I am very grateful, but feel a bit weird about the whole thing.

All in all, things seem to be working out well. I've been making lots of maps recently, which is good, b/c I need the practice. It is so nice to be able to make something... guess that's why I like GIS.... I get to play with and make maps.

Hopefully, I'll be able to take some shots at the wedding and out in the field. I posted some more pix on the online album. There are some from the summer I spent in Panama and some more photos added to already existing albums. Unfortunately, I have met the maximum capacity of free space offered. I am not sure what I am going to do yet. If anyone has any suggestions, that would great!

Sweet patchouli

Here are some pix of my precious patchouli plant.  I transplanted it when I moved, and it has increased a lot in size.  Just think, it was a small propogated plant in a 4 inch pot, when I bought it.  I must admit, it is my most spoiled plant, if any are spoiled.  It definately gets the most attention.  You can smell the patchouli fragrance a little now, but I can't wait until it flowers.

Sunday music in the park...