Disrupting feelings

It was a beautiful afternoon. The air was crisp and light in humidity. As the breeze swept through the small apartment, I thought of those who spoke so fondly of the North Carolina weather.

The weekend had been productive, mostly spent studying and reading up so as not to get behind. Though I had wanted to get away for the holiday weekend and explore the foothills of the mountains, it seemed better to stay and concentrate on school. Gas has become a more precious commodity than before and it did not seem worthwhile to consume so much. So, those plans were put off until fall break in mid October.

Sitting at the newly acquired used kitchen table, enjoying the breeze and studying statistics, a feeling overwhelmed me. It was so strong, it was amazing to feel so weak in a matter of seconds. If I would have not been sitting, I would have fallen to the floor. My arms began to shake and I felt sick to my stomach, wanting to vomit, but so scared at the same time. It came on strong and quick, like no other energy moved before. Only one person entered my thoughts and my first instinct was to ring him, but then I thought it may be because he was doing something and I should not interrupt. However, the self control was not enough and so I called.

"Hi." I hear on the other end of the phone, slightly surprised and happy to hear from me, "How are you?"

"I'm fine", I reply, "how are you though?"

"Oh, I'm fine, I was just...."

Apparently, nothing had happened... as of yet. What was interesting to me was that I did not feel he was in danger, it was not one of those types of cautious feelings; I felt as though he had moved on, that he had kissed someone... someone else. It seemed that that was what those feelings were about, but they were much more than jealousy. There was something more there...