Diamonds don't always shine

Heard about this band listening to streaming radio... nice to know there are still people out there with something to say....

Site of perfection

Rantings

It's half past eleven and I just got home. After complaining to a few people I'm really not all that close with and almost having a breakdown, I thought it would be a good idea to rant in a posting. If I'm subjecting good hearted people to my negativity all for having the kindness to ask how I am doing, then perhaps I need a new outlet, and what better than a blog....

So, the main reason I haven't posted anything recently is because things have been insanely busy after returning from my winter holidays trip down south. Before leaving, I had reviewed my projected plans and schedule with M&D and due to a last minute field escursion, which was executed extremely well, my goals were pushed back a week and a half. However, I headed south and left work, for the most part, behind... and let me tell you, it was a wonderful thing [see The holidaze, reflected post]. Before returning to North Carolina, I received a email containing the first chapter of my thesis and what looked like a the butchering of a small mammal. After having the paper, which is only 16 pages of text, for a lengthy 2 months, my coadvisor returns it, blungened and beaten.

Thanks to limited internet access [there were only a few internet cafes in town... I never thought I would be so happy to NOT have internet] I was not able to work on the edits. After returning from the blissful holiday, I've been working on the numerous edits and have finally, with the exception of one reference check, am finished. However, this is at the expense of accomplishing the tasks I had laid out prior to the holiday. Therefore, this week I have begun to tackle to goals that are now a MONTH overdue and am uncertain if I will be able to graduate on time. In reality I know I will not be able to graduate this semester... and it is really bothering me.

I feel like it is my fault and it makes me so angry with myself. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to do this summer. Do I look for a job? Do I ask for summer funding? If I get a job and move away, will I ever graduate? Do I want to spend another summer in North Carolina? All questions I cannot answer.

So, I eat a bagel
drink a beer
wait for my mind to settle
and the answers to appear...

Quote of the Week

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

~Marie Curie

White night

Last night after a fantabulous dinner party with scrumptious citrus topped fish fillets, roasted veggies, and mushroom risotto, the slight drizzle that had been falling outside turned to... snow!

It melted as soon as it touched skin, but did mange to create a thin covering on the grass. Sad to say... no snowballs....

What does one do on a cold Friday night, why take pix of the most cutest, posingest, cudliest creature of them all....

.... perhaps I'm a bit partial.

Quote of the Week

Being truly successful means having the time and freedom to be able to enjoy the company of the people you care about.

~Rochelle Ballard

Quote of the Week

Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew.

~Cicely Tyson

Drying up

After having a surprisingly wonderful holiday visit with family and freinds, I find myself unsataibly satisfied with my life. While others seem to see a happy, successful young woman, I see an adult child who is unsuccessfully grappling with every day. To be reminded of the abundant fruitful connections I once had and nutured over many years was a blessing and has now become a burden.

Upon returning to North Carolina,the positive reconnections and meaningful conversations were thought to be motivating... to energize me for the last sprint of what has been a drawn-out unfullfilling experience....essentially what I have been lacking. However, the positiveness is thinning and a deeper despair to emerging.

Granted, I am overwhelmingly happy that I was able to reconnect with people once a much larger part of my life... I just wish it would thrive within and through me. Instead, it feels like a well that was filled and is now being drained to its few last drops.

... somehow I need to find a way to maintain, to keep it full....

Tampa Bay, baby

The holidaze, reflected

The winter holidays brought wonderful warmth and much needed time spent with loved ones. It was a nonstop ride... filled with overdue visits, reconnecting with old friends, meeting new faces, and embracing forgiveness... while being constantly reminded of how old I am. Needless to say, when I got in my truck and headed south in December, I didn't know I was strapping myself in for such a ride, but I could not have asked for anything better.

As I entered the town I hold so dear, I was overwhelmed by joy and hesitation. However, as the visit progressed, the hesitation slowly evaporated and I was filled more and more happiness. I was surprised at how easily things came together and was quite sad to have to have to head back north on I-95. Getting on the interstate just seemed wrong.

Aside from the higher temps, even allowing an afternoon at the beach sunbathing, it was being around people who so openly embraced me that was really touching. Sure, the fact that it had been a year since I had been down probably has a lot to do with it, but even so, I soaked up the love, laughter, and conversation like a sponge dried out to the point of brittleness.

In addition to the town, growth and change had occurred within the lives of those I reconnected with... to the point that they were hardly recognizable to me. What was heart warming more than anything was that the relationship we had was still present, even though many years have past and our lives have taken us many different places.

The trip touched me in more ways than I can express and I look forward to next visit... it cannot come soon enough!