Morning market moments

After staying up too late printing the maps for the crew leaving Monday, I tried to go to bed early so as to make it to the Farmer's Market this morning. All the asking and searching around paid off when, a few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a farmer's market hidden on the southern apart of town.

It was nice to see the fresh vegetables in baskets and they even had eggs. I purchased a carton of small eggs for $1, ah... fresh eggs. I can't wait to have chickens on some property and collect fresh eggs and watch little chicks hatch. There was also a woman selling hot tamales and turnovers. I bought an apple one and a sweet potatoe with pecan and coconut one. The apple one was good, I'm eating that with my coffee,as this is being typed, and the sweet potatoe one I am saving for later.

There were not as many vendors as at the Raleigh Farmer's Market, pictured to the right. I stopped there when I went over a few weeks ago for work. It was the middle of the week, but there were lots of vendors, vegetables, and flowers for sale.

Thanx

Thank-you all for the wonderful birthday wishes. It made me feel very loved and I appreciated it very much. Hope all is going well with everyone. Things have been very busy lately with the meeting on the 19th and 20th. Most of the crew is heading out on a 2 week research cruise soon and I've been busy making maps for the trip. I really want to go but missing 2 weeks of classes after just having missed about a week, does not seem like a good idea. Reide tells me tonight that they may have a bunk open though, if I still would like to go..... I think he just likes to give me a hard time, know how badly I want to go.

Just wanted to let you all know I really appreciated the birthday wishes and will hopefully be updating this blog soon.

Nighttime fun

So.... last night I got to go see a show.... in an awesome little venue.... over in Chapel Hill. Who was it I ventured almost two hours to see???? Well, Mike Doughty, of course. Being that I cannot remember what the last concert I went to was, aside from Bonnaroo, I was stoked to be going. It was arranged suddenly, all within the afternoon before leaving, but I'm happy I go tot go.

Though I was not able to see Soul Coughing, this was highly enjoyable. Mike Doughty has been doing more acoustic stuff solo, which is pretty good. I had a copy of a live show he did and bring there last night was like I was at that show.

The venue is called Cat's Cradle and is this awesome little place. I felt like I should go and sit down up front for story time, like I was in preschool. When we got there, there were two guys on stage, one singing and playing guitar and one playing keyboards. He was pretty good but it seemed like he was all over the place with his style, which can be a good thing, but it made me wonder if he was still finding his and imitating others in the mean time. There were free CDs of his music available.

Cat's Cradle has some good shows coming up, including Death Cab for Cutie, which I was thinking about heading back over for. So... if you wanna join me, head up, down, or over and we can go together.

upon the rails
among the weeds
i had a moment of
serenity ...MD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's wonderful how within one day someone can emotionally go full circle and end up higher than when they started. What is even better is when it lasts over to the next day.

One day, soon hopefully, I will be able to fully concede to life's occurrences and not endure, but embrace life's painfulness and delightfulness; because even in the most painful moments, there is something beautiful about it.

Perhaps it is simply that we are alive
or that we can feel.

A loss doesn't hurt
unless you've been touched.

For pains of sorrow
stem from love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes spinning in circles just seems like the right thing to do.

Goings on...

The weekend has arrived and I am feeling the blissfulness of Friday. Moods have been changing from one extreme to another recently. It's quite a ride and though I would like to get off every now and then, the anticipation of the unknown keeps me going.

When I stop and think about it, I am pretty much behind in work and my hobbies, like updating this blog, but the courseworkis good, as far as I know. On top of trying to figure out how to manage taking 2 weeks off of course work, for a research cruise I was invited to go on, and desperately want to do, tomorrow morning Ari and I are leaving to head over to the OBX to collect data at her 2 field sites. What more could one ask to do for thier weekend?

I'm very excited, which usually happens when I get to do field work, and I am familiar with her sites and what she we are going to be doing. The best part is that we are going to be camping at Cape Hatteras National Seashore. This means I get to visit the lighthouse, YIPEE!!! Last time, we didn't go; so this time, I'm definately doing it. On top of all that, Karza is coming, which makes it even better. I enjoy taking her places, and she loves to go wherever. Hopefully, I will be able to post a few pix.

Lullings

He roams my thoughts,
randomly appears.
Triggering emotions,
to which I succumb.

Legs become weak,
arms begin to shake.
Not through joy,
but anger and hate.

Left feeling weak,
composure lost.
I pick myself up,
and try to move on.

Surfacing...

No, No, No,
I cannot play.
No, not with you.
No, not today.

Yes, I want to.
It would be fun,
but I have another
I am thinking of.

Disgruntled citizens unite!

In case you have read this, you should! I am not a huge fan, but there are somethings I agree with him on and this is one of them!

Feelings & Rantings

So recently, the fall semester of classes has started.... Though I have been out of the course load for a time, I did not think it would take that much to ease myself back into it. Well, I was right but, I am having trouble juggling work as well. I want to concentrate solely on the course work.

Also, I feel like I am constantly grasping to try and keep up. I feel like things are getting away from me and there are not enough hours in the day. Like this blog, for instance, I have some pix and things waiting to be put up for a few weeks now, but because they are not a priority, they get pushed aside. The only thing is, this blog is kinda like one of my hobbies.

Perhaps that is the problem, I have too many hobbies... too many things I'm interested in and want to put my nrgs into. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that this is just the beginning.....

It also makes me think... when am I going to be able to share my life with someone and embrace theirs, when I don't feel like I am handling mine well? Perhaps that is why I have not met someone... but I think it is because I am trying to coerce my heart, which is throwing a temper tantrum and refuses to move on.

Disrupting feelings

It was a beautiful afternoon. The air was crisp and light in humidity. As the breeze swept through the small apartment, I thought of those who spoke so fondly of the North Carolina weather.

The weekend had been productive, mostly spent studying and reading up so as not to get behind. Though I had wanted to get away for the holiday weekend and explore the foothills of the mountains, it seemed better to stay and concentrate on school. Gas has become a more precious commodity than before and it did not seem worthwhile to consume so much. So, those plans were put off until fall break in mid October.

Sitting at the newly acquired used kitchen table, enjoying the breeze and studying statistics, a feeling overwhelmed me. It was so strong, it was amazing to feel so weak in a matter of seconds. If I would have not been sitting, I would have fallen to the floor. My arms began to shake and I felt sick to my stomach, wanting to vomit, but so scared at the same time. It came on strong and quick, like no other energy moved before. Only one person entered my thoughts and my first instinct was to ring him, but then I thought it may be because he was doing something and I should not interrupt. However, the self control was not enough and so I called.

"Hi." I hear on the other end of the phone, slightly surprised and happy to hear from me, "How are you?"

"I'm fine", I reply, "how are you though?"

"Oh, I'm fine, I was just...."

Apparently, nothing had happened... as of yet. What was interesting to me was that I did not feel he was in danger, it was not one of those types of cautious feelings; I felt as though he had moved on, that he had kissed someone... someone else. It seemed that that was what those feelings were about, but they were much more than jealousy. There was something more there...