eArlY mOrNinG tHoUgHtS

As the early morning hours arrive and coversations of relationships drift by, I am left with thoughts of....

needs and desires.

I reflect on myself and content of previous conversations. I feel as though knowing what I want and not settling is a good thing....

but then I question myself.

Am I doing so in order to avoid circumstances? Or is this a benefit in that I am avioding circumstances that would have not not been beneficial?

This thought lingers like the smoke of a cigarette abandoned in an ashtray. It rises as though it is continuously fed and then sits in a cloud waiting for more to rise....

to come and join the others.

It amazes me how I was so sure of the way I felt and then...

....woosh....

I am drawn back in
into the place I was
a place of uncertainty
of confusion and unsettled feelings.

I still feel certain of my feelings but, uncertain of the future at the same time. The power of emotions is both emensely strong and baffling. How can something so strong and seemingly full of nrg be stagnant?

At least that is how I feel at the moment. Life is moving forward and I am still trying to understand....

but that time has passed
and now, I need to choose
to move on
with time
or to stay
stagnant
in my feelings and thoughts.

The force of entropy will prevail and things will come apart as they have been built. Perhaps this is a test, of making the same mistake...

again.

Or perhaps it is a second chance...

to experience what could have been.

Regardless of my actions, time will move forward, or backward... it will move on, none the less. It will show me, in due time....

the answers to my questions.

But.... will I remember the question, when the answer presents itself?