Plumbing issues

The days blur by like the stationary memories caught out of the corner of one's eye as this carousel of life rotates out of control. While the carousel generally stays in motion, I feel like the intermittent short stops and starts [once thought of as peaks and valleys] are temporary clogs in the flow of life's pipeline and I wonder if it somehow is simply inertia. Perhaps we accumulate these small and slight resistances over time to the point where we clog the fluidity that ignites our lives.

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one's own sunshine.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Quote of the week

Happiness is not a station to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

~Margaret Lee Runbeck

Morning thoughts....

The charm and simplicity of a small towne have a way of mesmerizing you into forgetting about all the material obsessions and distractions that large cities offer. Although after moving here, I was a bit unthrilled with not having certain things readily accessible, such as a funky local coffee shop, bike shop, independent/foreign movie house, or available dog friendly housing opportunities, the change has enabled me to focus more on what is really necessary. Always one to aiming for the simplistic approach, I see this move as a catalyst in that direction in a way. Granted, I would like to have a full sized couch in my apartment and eventually a television [to watch movies on... this is a cable free zone, except internet of course... I do have some frivolous expenses], these are material things I can live without. As with other things in my life lately, even though I don't think this next chapter that I have begun is necessarily what I wanted, it is, in many ways, what I needed.....

Morning walk spider web siting

Blah.......

Sitting in my office looking out at the sun glistening off the water, wishing I could turn time back... back to the 4th of July, where the air AND water were warm, sweat poured as fluid as the beer, music was in the air, as well as good conversations from good company. It was a good weekend.

As of late, I feel like the world [at least the US] is crumbling around me. NPR has turned into a negative nancy with little positive information. Generally my preferential choice of media, the recent catastrophic events leave me with a sour outlook. Waking to that every morning is a sure way to keep the suicide hotlines and the antidepressant corporations in business.

Coincidentally, as the world around me is falling apart, so to is my personal world. Or should I say my personal world is giving way to the world around me. Through all I have endured over my short 20 something stink thus far, I seem to cower when faced with the pressures of benefit plans, retirement options, and other what seem like monumental money missions that I have yet been briefed on.

While dealing with these monetary muddlings, I am also trying to keep a logical and emotional balanced perspective in a new relationship. Something that should not be difficult for a well-adjusted person. Unfortunately, that is not me and the current battle is can and when to trust that another isn't going to pull away and disappear. Sometimes is seems better to just keep them outside, to not let them in.... and I question, is it worth it? The voice inside my head says yes, but my heart stays silent.

As I listen to Tristan Prettyman's You Got Me.... I hope my heart will speak up......