Life is change.
Growth is optional.
Choose wisely.
~ Karen Kasier Clark
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Friday realization
Upon waking at 6 a.m. this morning, a feat I have been trying to accomplish for the past few weeks, I realized something... the reason I have such trouble getting up early here is because it's so damn cold. I don't blame myself for not wanting to get out of bed when all there is to look forward to is shivering while putting on numerous amounts of clothing.
It just simply reaffirms the fact that I need to live in a warmer environment... and makes me question if I should even considering staying in North Carolina for work....
Isn't there a tropical island that needs a coastal scientist or simply someone to wander the beach from sunrise to sunset...
It just simply reaffirms the fact that I need to live in a warmer environment... and makes me question if I should even considering staying in North Carolina for work....
Isn't there a tropical island that needs a coastal scientist or simply someone to wander the beach from sunrise to sunset...
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Sitting here I feel like a visitor, in my own body and my life. I look down and see my hands typing on the keyboard, yet it seems foreign.... everything seems foreign. People feel so distant although they are an arm's length away and my soul feels like it is barely tethered to my body, preferring to be elsewhere. When I am here and present I feel a suffocating sadness that is unconsolable. Why? The answer I do not know, but it causes self-punishing lethargic actions, facilitating the cycle.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Oxymoronousness of life
So, my graduate career is coming to an end, yet I am ever so slowly moving towards the eminent light at the end of the tunnel. With so many different thoughts swirling around, it's hard to keep focus... even now, in this post... so please bare with me.
What am I talking about? Well, about a week ago, I interviewed at one of the NOAA research stations for an upcoming position. The interview went well, I think they were impressed with my work, and the position sounds like it would be a mix of some of what I've been doing and the opportunity to learn some new things. The research station is located in a coastal town, near the Atlantic Ocean. Sounds great, right? Yet, my initial feeling was far from joy and more like apprehension.
After speaking w/ my adviser, which opened up additional options and relieved stress surrounding the availability of summer funding, I felt a lot better. Now, with options before me I feel split, wanting to make a decision about the future before being finished with my thesis. It seems logic has prevailed in this conflict and I am leaning toward accepting the position [the is if it offered] and finishing up my thesis close the ocean with multiple trips back to Greenville... that is if I can have my cake and eat it too.
Only time will tell what the future holds....
What am I talking about? Well, about a week ago, I interviewed at one of the NOAA research stations for an upcoming position. The interview went well, I think they were impressed with my work, and the position sounds like it would be a mix of some of what I've been doing and the opportunity to learn some new things. The research station is located in a coastal town, near the Atlantic Ocean. Sounds great, right? Yet, my initial feeling was far from joy and more like apprehension.
After speaking w/ my adviser, which opened up additional options and relieved stress surrounding the availability of summer funding, I felt a lot better. Now, with options before me I feel split, wanting to make a decision about the future before being finished with my thesis. It seems logic has prevailed in this conflict and I am leaning toward accepting the position [the is if it offered] and finishing up my thesis close the ocean with multiple trips back to Greenville... that is if I can have my cake and eat it too.
Only time will tell what the future holds....
Monday, March 17, 2008
Say hello to my new little friend
This past week there has been a new addition to my little world... Henrietta. After lots of research, we have finally found a peaceful, abundant area where she can swim around. Since their native habitat is the rice paddies of Thailand, I wanted to incorporate some aquatic plants, which were relatively inexpensive at Petsmart. She seems to like the Ludwigia more than the Java Fern. She is only about 7 months old and I think she has already increased in size. It looks like she is beginning to develop a coloured strip horizontal strip on her sides; I look forward to watching her grow and see how she changes.
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Friday, March 07, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Down w/ a cold
With the sun shining and the temps increasing to what has become tolerable [the highs the past few days have been in the high 60's...the fact that this is considered a more pleasant temperature makes me very sad], it's really bumming me out that I am still down with a cold. This morning is the first morning I've awoke feeling tired and crappy. The past few mornings, I felt fine, but had a stuffy nose and some chest congestion.
Generally, I take this time to rest and let my body heal itself... taking it as a signal for needing self nurturing; however, it seems that is the last thing I want to do. I want to go to the gym and for rides, be active and enjoy that feeling when you are healthy. During the winter this feeling vanishes and I enter more of a sustaining mode, where it is all I can do not to over eat, gain 20 pounds, and curl into a ball waiting for the warmth.
I must admit... it is nice to spend time w/ Karza. I wish she could accompany me everywhere.
Generally, I take this time to rest and let my body heal itself... taking it as a signal for needing self nurturing; however, it seems that is the last thing I want to do. I want to go to the gym and for rides, be active and enjoy that feeling when you are healthy. During the winter this feeling vanishes and I enter more of a sustaining mode, where it is all I can do not to over eat, gain 20 pounds, and curl into a ball waiting for the warmth.
I must admit... it is nice to spend time w/ Karza. I wish she could accompany me everywhere.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Back from the snow and with it a cold...
On the leap day of 2008 this Florida girl saw snow for the first time. After being invited to join a group of friends on a snow filled birthday weekend bash, the anticipation of seeing, smelling, touching, and tumbling in the snow has been igniting me.
The trip started off smoothly and remained as such through the entire weekend. My reservations about what to bring to how things were going to play out, quickly subsided as I met up in with friends in Raleigh to carpool the remaining four hours to the wonderful Winterplace wunderland we were staying at in West Virginia.
The route was similar to that I had taken to Kentucky, in August, which included a few tunnels, spying Pilot Mountain, and exposed outcrop [that's rock that has been cut through vertically exposing the layering and orientation of the various rocks over the years... for those not continuously bombarded with geologic terms].
As we entered West Virgina, snow flurries greeted us and we started to see the accumulation on the road side and I was getting more and more excited that I was going to get to see SNOW! On our way to the lodge, we stopped and picked up our rental skis, before which I played outside in the snow and took in the white wistful flurriment... all the while it still did not seem real.
This feeling extended throughout the entire trip, even when we were in skiing school [a previous ski instructor, one of the people in the group gave all of us newbies a quick run down on how to ski]. Being back in NC, with temps finally approaching warm enough to be bearable [the high today is 77 degrees F], the trip really does seem like a dream.
It was wonderful to be invited on the trip and have it ACTUALLY happen. The group was full of kind hearted folk who were very embracing. Even though I was not a superb skier, I look forward to trying it again. It was a great experience; however, I cannot wait for the warmth of summer to arrive and visits to the beach to begin!
The trip started off smoothly and remained as such through the entire weekend. My reservations about what to bring to how things were going to play out, quickly subsided as I met up in with friends in Raleigh to carpool the remaining four hours to the wonderful Winterplace wunderland we were staying at in West Virginia.
The route was similar to that I had taken to Kentucky, in August, which included a few tunnels, spying Pilot Mountain, and exposed outcrop [that's rock that has been cut through vertically exposing the layering and orientation of the various rocks over the years... for those not continuously bombarded with geologic terms].
As we entered West Virgina, snow flurries greeted us and we started to see the accumulation on the road side and I was getting more and more excited that I was going to get to see SNOW! On our way to the lodge, we stopped and picked up our rental skis, before which I played outside in the snow and took in the white wistful flurriment... all the while it still did not seem real.
This feeling extended throughout the entire trip, even when we were in skiing school [a previous ski instructor, one of the people in the group gave all of us newbies a quick run down on how to ski]. Being back in NC, with temps finally approaching warm enough to be bearable [the high today is 77 degrees F], the trip really does seem like a dream.
It was wonderful to be invited on the trip and have it ACTUALLY happen. The group was full of kind hearted folk who were very embracing. Even though I was not a superb skier, I look forward to trying it again. It was a great experience; however, I cannot wait for the warmth of summer to arrive and visits to the beach to begin!
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