Quote of the Week

Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge.

~Audre Lorde

Taking action

There is a great short documentary on a few people who helped out to move someone via bike. Filmed by Street Films and featured on TreeHugger, it worth checking out. So, who wants to help me move this summer?

Lunar eclipse

This week was the third total lunar eclipse within the past year and I was excited to be able to observe it. AFter picking up a few beers from the local beer shop, conveniently located around the corner from my place, I headed over to a friends place to sit outside in the freezing cold and watch the partial, full, and partial eclipsing of the moon. Unfortunatley, the clouds swooped in during the first partial but cleared just after reaching full eclipse. It was beautiful to see the receeding partial eclipse, as the light slowly filled the shadowed moon... making me think of how easily people could have interpreted such an event as an act of the gods or a punishment.

Note: Photograph taken by Ben

V Day present

In an email this morning, I received a valentine's day greetings from a friend with this pix of a sycamore tree. It made me smile and realize that it's been too long since I've noticed such little details in my surrounding... a trait the comes natural to me, yet has been unused because I have been contained within my hovel. So as a valentine's day present to myself, I am going to treat myself with a walk this afternoon to take in all the beauty that surrounds me.

Too late

Sitting in my co-advisor's office, after being summoned like a child in grade school to the principal's office, I sat there on the verge of tears listening to him bumbling through words trying to express his thoughts about the discussion section of a chapter in my thesis. As the overwhelming emotions rose and fell with thoughts of never finishing my thesis and leaving this place, I would find myself missing words here and there. However, because he was having such trouble communicating, I was still able to get the gist and sat there listening, feeling more and more helpless.

Although I appreciated him asking to speak with me and taking the time to sit with me and express his thoughts, all I kept thinking was that it was too late..... perhaps three and a half months ago, when I first gave him the rough draft would have been more appropriate, but now... now... it's just too late. After a productive meeting, in that I understand [though I may not agree with] what he wants me to do, he offers a "good job" as I exit his office.... yet again... too late.

There are those moments in life, when something is appropriate and peaking in its value or effect. Like the look from a new lover that tells you how at that moment, you are all they desire... the apology from someone you care about when they hurt your feelings.... or the silent embrace when someone is in pain. All these things and many more do not have the same impact if they occur later in time. It's just too late......

Lately, I feel wound up.. and I don't think it's the caffeine talking. I've noticed that I have been much more detailed oriented, if that's possible, and anal about organizing and compartmentalizing things. At first I thought it was because perhaps I was overcompensating for a lack on control in other areas in my life... but while reading a passage in a book, I could feel a flood of emotions. This makes me think that my recent compulsivity may be a way of keeping the lid on so that I am not overrun with emotions.

... and I thought things were going so well, considering.