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Thursday, November 29, 2007

Winter Holidaze

The winter holidays are approaching quickly and with it the journey back to my hometown to see family. My hometown, the small coastal community that has grown too large for its britches, is no longer the home in my memories. When I return, places and people are familiar, but it as though they are from a dream, slightly familiar but appear different.

I think of the people I have known over the years and those I have been close with and they all seem to distant as thought when I see them again, it will be like meeting them for the first time. And then there is the sadness of the relationships that have not survived. It seems that my hometown is harboring more sadness as the years pass than joyous memories. Unresolved issues create baggage that no matter how hard I try, follows me around and stubbornly will not leave.

So, with a nonexistent home and disillusioned perception of the place I lived for so long I am hesitantly approaching the drive down for the holidays. Each time I go, I think, this time it will be different and I will rekindle something or find something anew, but I find that over the years it is drama that has been found and sadness that has been created, both of which I can gladly do without.

Therefore, I am attempting to travel south with no expectations and an open...... mind, hoping for the best and searching for the strength to shrug off the negative, selfishness that I will face.

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
~ Mahatma Gandhi

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