In need of a break from the monotonousness of work, I decided to treat myself to a movie, albeit a matinee to lessen the impact on my wallet. So, I left work a bit early to head over to the cinema to see Feast of Love. Yes, a girlie flick if there ever was one, but with my recent strike out while up at bat at the game of dating I thought I could use it.... and I am very happy I went. One of the main messages that rang in my ears after the film ended was the concept of being with someone that cares for you as much as you care for them. As with my recent escapade this is an imbalanced component that seems to thrive in my relationships, romantic and otherwise.
Being aware and open to other's and their feelings is something that comes easily to me, and being one that likes to please others, this gift is highly utilized. However, I've painfully found that others do not commonly posses such perception and the result has been a continuous string of painful circumstances. So, what am I going to do now?
I don't know.
It seems the only thing left to do is wake up yet again tomorrow and make my way through the day, cherishing the fleeting often not present interactions with others. I mean it boils down to this, I want to be loved, like every other conscious living thing in the universe. This does not necessarily mean I want a lover or a partner, truthfully, what I miss the most are the close friends I once had. Now there is so much hurt clouding everything, suffocating simple conversations, to the point where I don't know how to or if I want to try.
I wonder, if like Chloe in the movie, I would have gone through with certain relationships, had I known their demise. At this point, questioning the benefit of it all, I can't say that I would have forged ahead.
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