The norm

I've noticed that since I've moved here, for some reason feeling like an outsider isn't that bad. It seems to be alright, somewhat comforting even. However, in Florida, it was not. I started extrapolating on this thought and asking why?

Why is it ok here, but not there? From what I could come up with it was because I seem to have a relationship, or at least the illusion of one with the place from which I came. It is as though I was birthed from there, where yes I was and I remained there for my entire non-adult life, but I am not the genetic make up of that area... I am human, though others there are human, they come from foreign places. Foreign to the area, so therefore I should not base my un-normal behavior on such peoples.

So, what happens when there is a continuous influx of people? The norm changes and so, my peoples are gone. However, I think I will find them again, in a different form. As life has changed me, it has changed them too.

The Raleigh realization

Sitting in the grass, blanketed with pine needles, listening to the faint sound of the city... the hypocrisy settles in. A small town girl, in awe of the large city, I stare at the large buildings and meticulously organized layout of roads, walkways, and structures. Just a few days ago I was ranting about the destructiveness that humans cause, but what I failed to address was the beauty that can be created from the destructiveness..

What is beautiful about a downtown area converted from natural forest or some other wonder that no longer exists there? It is the beauty of variation in architectural design and the ordered pattern of one way streets and underground garages created by planners, which culminate into a place of work, education, pleasure, and other activities for the human race. It is why people are in love with metropolitan cities.

Similar to a forest or natural spring, cities consist of large scale interconnected relationships. However, unlike a forest, these relationships all directly benefit humans and no other. Yet, sitting here, I have the same humbling feeling. The feeling that if I was not here, everything would go on with little adjustment. It is the humbleness of standing alone in the middle of a forest and realizing that you are just a minor fraction of something grandiose, something much larger than you.

For some reason, I find comfort in this, both in the city and in the places untouched by human development.

You've got to check this out!

Not all hope is lost...

Upon sitting, staring blankly at the computer screen, I decided it was a good idea to take a little stroll to the downtown area and get a not so great cup of coffee, from a tea shop. Note: the teas shop has wonderful teas but coffee is not their specialty and the coffee shop next door closed during the summer and so to satiate the coffee drinkers, they started brewing very strong coffee, but no expresso drinks. In passing a bakery, that had been mentioned previously in passing conversation, I decided to enter and see what they had to offer.

The store front is not much to speak of, but their goods look delicious and well priced as well, not hiked up as in most coffee shops. In conversing with the gentlemen at the counter, I learn that they are looking into having acoustic music on Wednesday evenings, he and the owner are in an acoustic group, and are also looking to purchase an expresso machine. Sounds like there is my new favorite hang-out.

However, I continue my venture and notice that the coffee shop that was closed is now reopened with a new name. They have free wireless internet, will have music, movie nights, and even good coffee. Java City has not yet succeeded in taking over.

In talking to the gentleman at Upper Crust, the bakery, he also mentioned that some places are currently being renovated, because they are trying to give the downtown area a face lift and bring in more business, and are going to be having live music.

So, it looks like things here are not going to be as desolate and unexciting after all. At least I will have a few places to go... aside from my little abode. Though Java Lounge, in Gainesville, closed recently prospects here look good.

It's all just fun and games.....

Humans are ever puzzling creatures.

While enjoying a friendly game of bowling last night, I took a few moments to look around and observe the situation. Seeing these oddly put together organisms grasping these brightly coloured round objects, proceeding to approach a line, and then hurl the brightly coloured round object down a narrow floor with a divet on each side, so it can collide with plastic white somewhat hour-glass shaped objects at the other end. The brightly coloured round object is then mechanically sent back to the human and they do it again, and again, and again....

When did this action come about and how did it get incorporated into human ways? Primal peoples would be more concerned with survival and the things connected to it. So, in my opinion, it goes back to the time when humans were no longer hunter gatherers and began to harness their farming capabilities. This event was drastic in human culture because nature and the earth was not something a human lived in and with, but something they controlled and manipulated. It started the disconnection of humans and their environment.

Once humans improved in their farming practices, it freed up time. Because humans were able to decimate the predator population, they were not concerned if they were going to be eaten or killed in any way. Humans then had time to use their intellect developing games and entertaining ways to pass the time.

Over time, society has become consumed with the concept and that is what humans live for. They work to make money to do the things they enjoy, because most of the time, they do not enjoy their work. It has become a means to an end. Some people struggle... to incorporate their work and their life into something meaningful to them and it is their contribution to the world. However, that is not the perception held by the majority of humans today. The fixation to be entertained and consume is driving the human population further from their origin, further from the earth, further from their home.

Just think if each human only possessed what they needed to survive, how much more of the environment would exist that is currently covered in asphalt, trash, and unused items.

Weekend ventures

The weekend adventure had to be something quick and close by, because the large comprehensive test is approaching and much studying is still needed. That being said, and still feelin' the urge to explore, I set out to visit the historic town of Washington.

Washington, is only about 20-30 minutes down SR 264, on the Tar-Pamlico River.The downtown area is wuite nice, it reminded me of historic 5-points in Jacksonville, but still a functioning part of the part and not just a hang-out for lost adolescents and young adults. Let me state that the last time I went to 5-points, I was one of those adolescent/young adults, with a lot of time to waste. So, if it is different now, I apologize.

Anyway, the downtown area was rather large and most of the building were in use, not like here in Greenville, where they are trying to revitalize the downtown, but residents would rather shoppe at the commercial chains detrimental to locally owned stores.

Stepping away from the soapbox now....

The town was nice. Being right on the river, they have a well kept dock area and a good amount of public parking. Because I went on a Sunday morning, most of the stores were closed. There were a few that would like to go back and visit. As I was leaving, tucked away down one of the streets was a small Panaderia [spanish bakery]. I can't wait to go back and visit that; their pastries are oh so good!

YIPEE!!!!! Field Trip

In a meeting, about a month or so ago, the people involved in project I'm working on, referred to from now on as the NOAA project for simplicity, gathered to discuss possible sites along the study the area, the Neuse Estuary.

During the meeting it was agreed to try and have a meeting with the other 2 groups; there are 3 groups total working on this NOAA project. NOAA funded three research projects looking at different aspects of sea-level rise effects on estuarine shorelines. The purpose of the meeting is to see if the three groups want to try and have a common site so that when all the data is collected and the models merged, there will be one commonality within the three.

Ok, everyone set aside two sets of dates to try and coordinate with the other groups. After one of the dates was set, it was proposed to use the other dates to have a field trip to check out the proposed areas. Once the date of the meeting was set, this seemed to fall by the waste side, but I did not forget and brought it up a few weeks ago. Upon inquiring about a possible field excursion, I was told if I wanted to organize it, it could happen.

Needless to say, I was a bit apprehensive.. organizing an excursion and trying to coordinate something involving people I have yet to meet was a bit intimidating. However, I was able to get a grip and everything ended up working out well. In the beginning, it seemed that a few of the small group were not going to be able to make it; however, everyone ended up being able to go.

It was great to finally get to see the areas up close. Looking at them on a computer screen is nothing compared to being there in person. Though many people do not like marsh and think they are worthless, they are very beautiful. I had never taken so many pix of marsh in my life.

Here are my two advisors. JP on the left, he is the GIS guy and has done a lot of sediment movement research. Reide is my main advisor, on the right. He is a chemical oceanographer and had to go out on a cruise that morning and joined us later in the afternoon.

Ah,the synthesis of biology and geology... who would have thought?

It was amazing to see the difference between the bulkheaded areas and those that have naturally been able to recede. Whoever said marshes were not beautiful? They didn't know what they were talking about.

What is weird for me, is that this area is protected by the barrier islands and therefore is only worked and reworked by large storms. The pocket sediment bank beaches is not from erosion of the land, but from deposition by storms carrying sand inward from the barrier islands. It's hard to not think of the area, so close to the ocean, not having tidal fluctuations.

The perfect ending to a hard days work!

The most beautiful and most profound experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their primitive forms - this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness.

( Albert Einstein - The Merging of Spirit and Science)

Outings and explorations

So, I decided to do a bit of exploring... and hit the beach while I was at it. I just can't stay away....

Down the road from Atlantic beach, the closest ocean beach, is Fort Macon. Being that it was built between 1826-1834, it is in great shape, compared to the Castillo de San Marco. However, the Castillo is 300 years older, made of coquina, and endured many years of salt water weathering. Fort Macon is built with brick and though is located on an inlet, I do not think it had a moat. There is a draw bridge, but the area on the outside of what would be a moat is full of entrances and windows into rooms.

The fort sits on a hill at the northern end of a barrier island. It looks out into the ocean (east), to the inlet (north), and to the intercoastal waterway (west). The island is not very wide and one could walk from side to side in a matter of minutes. The center of the fort is somewhat tear-dropped shaped.

The lighting was beautiful! I had a wonderful time taking many many pictures. In am not quite sure how to describe the fort, perhaps colonial, but definitely not spanish style, though the archways were rather low.
Aside from the center building of the fort, the other rooms and areas were mostly under the earth, but faced out toward the center building. This was the only lighting coming in, and it was very beautiful.

The fort would have been great for a childhood, or adult for that matter, game of hide and seek, especially at night. My little kid was having a great time. Though there were a few times when I was not able to see into some areas and got a wee bit of a creepy feeling...

I like this one... I think it's because you cannot quite make out the detail, like an oil painting.

The abode

Well, I finally took some pictures of the apartment.

Here's a picture of the apartment buildings in which I live. Mine is number 5, a very good number indeed. It seems that people around here have a thing with red doors, I don't quite get it, but it seems to be very common.

The apartment consists of 3 rooms with two entrances/exits facing east and west, which I like a lot. It creates a nice cross breeze through the house with the doors and windows open. As you walk in through the front door, you enter the living room/kitchen area. I have yet to get a small table b/c I am not sure if I will have enough room for it, but I'd really like one.

Then you walk through the door on the opposite wall as the front door, into the bedroom with the bathroom off to the right side. Basically, the apartment is shaped like a square, broken up into two rectangles. The first rectangle is the living room/kitchen and the second rectangle consists of two squares, one large and one small. The bedroom is the larger square with the smaller square being the bathroom.

Going out the back door into the backyard, which is nicely sized, there is a small stoop with a few brick steps, like in the front. Outside, there are two comfy lounge chairs to sit and ponder. I like to lay on the bed, looking out through the screened door and watch the birds. They go through the bird seed so quickly!

I enjoy the apartment a lot. I really like living on my own and it's a good size, not too big and not too small, quite perfect actually. I just hope money doesn't get too tight, b/c I'd like to stay in this apartment. It's only 4 blocks from campus and I come home for lunch a lot.

I'm also looking into using snapfish to upload photos for you guys to view. You would also be able to purchase them and they would be shipped to your door for a mere 12 cents a piece... not bad, eh. Has anyone used this before?

What's stimulating you?

Recently, while purchasing a DVD, I realized that they have become cheaper than music CDs. For some reason, this doesn't seem to make sense. Even the cheapest movie probably cost more to make than a music CD. So, does that mean that people are watching more movies than listening to music?

Anyone who drives has witnessed the people, including myself on occasion, who are jamming out some type of music, and then there are the people who like to share their music with everyone... within a mile radius.

It still makes me wonder. For instance, I purchased three DVDs the other day for a whopping $16.00. Granted, the cover of one was to in the best condition, but that is the price for one CD! I wonder if the price of CDs are going to come down. Before long musicians are going to have to be able to fill a 700MB CD with MP3s, now that's a lot of music.

Lips that taste of tears, they say,
Are the best for kissing.
- Dorothy Parker

Update

Ok, so this past week hasn't been the easiest.... but hey, there is a meteor shower tonight. Just goes to show that no matter how sh*tty or great things are, time keeps moving on with or with out you. It's kinda refreshing in a way.... because you know it will all work itself out in the end. It's just a matter of dealing with it in the meantime. As long as I keep on breathing, I know I'm living, which means it'll all pass.

At the bottom looking up

It amazes me every time...
like it's never happened before.

Things are moving along fine,
and then BOOM -
someone slams the door.

The room is closed off,
overwhelmed with emotion...

Dealing with these events,
doesn't seem like an option.

Acting from feelings
of sadness and loss,

Things out of control
for that is the cost.

Full of peaks and valleys,
we continue the ride.

Waiting for the next thrill,
of a door to open wide.

Memo

I posted some pix from the field work over in the Outer Banks (OBX). It's on a blog dated for July 19th. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do about posting pix. I would like to have an online album for you guys to see what's going on. I'll keep you to date though.

Convalescent

How shall I wail, that wasn't meant for weeping?
Love has run and left me, oh, what then?
Dream, then, I must, who never can be sleeping;
What if I should meet Love, once again?

What if I met him, walking on the highway?
Let him see how lightly I should care.
He'd travel his way, I would follow my way;
Hum a little song, and pass him there.

What if at night, beneath a sky of ashes,
He should seek my doorstep, pale with need?
There could he lie, and dry would be my lashes;
Let him stop his noise, and let me read.

Oh, but I'm gay, that's better off without him;
Would he'd come and see me, laughing here.
Lord! Don't I know I'd have my arms about him,
Crying to him, "Oh, come in, my dear!"

Dorothy Parker

She Was a Phantom of Delight

She was a Phantom of delight
When first she gleamed upon my sight;
A lovely Apparition, sent
To be a moment's ornament;
Her eyes as stars of Twilight fair;
Like Twilight's, too, her dusky hair;
But all things else about her drawn
From May-time and the cheerful Dawn;
A dancing Shape, an Image gay,
To haunt, to startle, and waylay.

I saw her upon nearer view,
A Spirit, yet a Woman too!
Her household motions light and free,
And steps of virgin-liberty;
A countenance in which did meet
Sweet records, promises as sweet;
A Creature not too bright or good
For human nature's daily food,
For transient sorrows, simple wiles,
Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears, and smiles.

And now I see with eye serene
The very pulse of the machine;
A Being breathing thoughtful breath,
A Traveller between life and death;
The reason firm, the temperate will,
Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;
A perfect Woman, nobly planned,
To warn, to comfort, and command;
And yet a Spirit still, and bright
With something of angelic light.

William Wordsworth

Love lost
parted ways

Love still felt
it's presence dismayed

Why deny
what is felt by both?

For simple ease,
maturity and growth.

Lingering questions

How can something so wonderful be so painful?

How can someone so thoughtful and caring cause one to hurt?

Why is change equated with loss?

When it is what is best for all, why does it bring grief?

If love was more simple, would it still be as beautiful?