tXgIvIng

Ah... food, the best part of the holidays.

And we're all wearing so much clothing... no one can tell you gained 15 pounds!

Well, if you can't eat it, at least have some fun with it.

Perhaps we should all look to the young and enjoy things through thier eyes.

..........................................................................................................

nEgAtIvE aRt

I don't get it...I don't understand why good creative work has to stem from negative things. It seems as though I am only inspired to write poems when I'm distraught over something or pissed off. It's pretty depressing! I was watching an interview with Fiona Apple from last year and when asked why the new album (which is still not released by the way) is more up than her previous ones she remarked that when it's your job and you can only be productive when something negative is happening, that's pretty depressing. I suppose she tried to focus more on the happier things for this album, Extradordinary Things. I've only heard one song from it and it's really good. I can't believe Sony is still sitting on the album. It's been finished for over a year now, supposedly. You can check out the retaliated fans at www.fionaapple.org There is a link to the interview I watched and other stuff relating to getting the album released, such as mass emails to Sony, etc.

Back to the good poetry coming from negative shit... Often times, I really like what I have written and it becomes detached from the reason I wrote it. At the time of writing it allows me to express what I was feeling, which can be very hard sometimes. However, later it represents that time but I also can look at it singularly as a creative work... and that is how I normally view things. Often time, I can not connect to the feelings I had when I wrote it, I look at it as someone looking at a painting. Only seeing what is before me, and further interpreting it differently each time I read it.

dIstrActIOns

they're everywhere
can't you see?
there's one right there
it's following me!

what am i doing?
i can't remember
i can't think straight
focus... focus
stay in control

goals and dreams
put on hold
to tend to a distraction
for which i have no control

are they mirrors...
displaying what i cannot see?
or simple distractions
hindering growth

they're everywhere
can't you see?
there's one right there
it's following me!

Another day...

time stolen
time shared
moments sought
feelings feared
love uncovered
tears shed
lives diverted
nothing said
future uncertain
sadness weighs
heavy hearted
time passes
lives continue
forever changed

lAtE kNigHts

So, what does one do after a late night of catching up at the local bar... take pictures of their unsuspecting friends of course. No poem or angry statement here, just wanted to share a pix. I liked how it ended up so up on the blog it goes.

The funny thing about responsibility is everyone wants the pay-off but doesn't want to put the work into it. I myself fall into this as well. Things keep piling up and I feel the pressure but it still doesn't motivate me to do it b/c I become smothered. I am amazed that I have yet to learn this lesson, especially since I recognize it each time it happens. Ah, but I guess if we learned all our lessons, there wouldn't be a reason to live on in the next life.

gAtEs oF eXpErIEncE

is it heaven or is it hell
gates of promise or disappointment
a loving embrace or a smack in the face
a matter of perception
a unique reflection
a different experience for you and me
to be shared later
envied and coveted
but never relived

gOIngs On

Sorry I haven't written in awhile, for those of you who have been checking the blog; it's nice to know someone cares (thanx Kevin!). Things have been a little hectic lately. This past Thursday, Karza and I drove up to Charleston to interview for a graduate position; it was a lot of fun. The people were really nice. When I went there I thought I was going to have one interview and then be on my way. However, I was running around all day, meeting every faculty member in the department. It was kinda nice to be treated though. On the way back, we stopped in Charleston. I was planning on staying the night there. At first I was going to stay in a hostel but then I decided to camp; however, as the sun started going down, I started having second thoughts. It was getting a bit chilly; so, I headed to St. Augustine. I really liked Charleston; it was like a bigger St. Augustine. I enjoyed wandering around the streets. That's one thing I miss, wandering.... I miss wandering the streets downtown over on the beach. Overall, the experience went well. My impression was that Charleston was like St. Augustine and Columbia was like Gainesville; except Columbia was farther inland. Columbia has a 5 points area that reminded me of Jacksonville. That's been where all my nrg has been going so recently. Now, I'm focusing on some applications for grad school. I will be happy when I know where I'm going and it's all well and done. Well, that's all for now.

chIllIn' In chArlEston

...prEcIOUs....

Just a dream....

I see you
do you see me?

a vacant image
or a lost memory.

You follow me
wherever I go.
or is it an illusion?
No, that is not so!

I miss your touch
that comfortable embrace.

Yearning unattainable
or so it seems.

Yet, I still see you,
standing next to me.

thE gAthErIng

...mOrnIng

mOnUmEntAl

This past Thursday, I watched a documentary about a man named David Brower. Who is that? That is precisely what I asked, so I did a little research.. imagine that. Well, David Brower was an avid mountain climber and outdoorsman who loved nature. He was an executive director of the Sierra club many years ago and founded a few organizations concerned with the preservation of natural areas. The film, Monumental, was very humbling... to say the least!! You can check it out at http://www.loteriafilms.org/. Who knew one person could do so much!?! It makes me feel as though I've spent my whole life as a bump on a log. It also makes me realize that there is so much more to do and that my obligations have yet to be met (though I still don't know what they are). I would highly recommend checking out the movie, if you get the opportunity, and if not, at least look into what David Brower accomplished, one website is: http://www.earthisland.org/brower/sub_bio.cfm. Perhaps it can motivate us all to take action for what we care about and want others to have the opportunity to enjoy.

dYnAmIc EqUIlIbrIUm

... is this not what we are all currently apart of?

It seems as though society disagrees. From where does this statement come? In the destruction and maelstrom that abounds. We are on a downward spiral and people don't want to realize it! They keep on doing their mundane daily activities, looking just beyond the next corner, but not seeing down the street where there are barricades and flashing hazard lights.

What is one to do? Give up... Just keep on living with no meaningfulness. How is that rewarding? Negative action is one choice. One could just give up and let those who are currently destroying the beautiful earth live in what hey are creating. How can people find more beauty in the cheap man-made contraptions that humans produce than earth and its infinite wonders. Oh, but then people can't see these wonders because they destroy them and cover the area with cement.... how could I forget. Once one is so disconnected from the earth it is easy to abuse it.

This is the case in any type of abuse. If one truly cares for something one would not try to hurt or harm it in any way. Yet, if one separates themselves from it they feel no regret in treating it badly. If humans could feel the pain they put out into the world... I think they would take different actions.

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the fight. I feel as though I'm fighting all the time. Fighting against society, fighting to keep myself distracted... as most people do. I don't like to be distracted, but I don't like what I see either. It''s as though the pieces of a puzzle are placed before me but they do not quite fit and there is this constant pressure to finish the puzzle.

I say we cut up the little pieces and make a collage!

thE jOUrnEy

Abandoned train tracks

Feeling lost

all alone

on a path

destination unknown

signs hidden

clues unclear

seeking comfort

not found here

leaving...

an option

well nurtured day to day

running...

in cognito

trying to get away

regrets...

like sandspurs

picked up along the way

clinging desperately

sometimes causing pain

questions...

running an infinite race

carried by thoughts

surface throughout the day

a rhythmic cycle

keeping pace with the beat

of each foot placed

on a path of uncertainty.

hOmE... fOr nOw

Since many of you have yet and/or will not be able to come and visit, I decided to post a pix of where I am now living. It's a nice house in a quiet neighborhood. The guy that owns it is named Brian, he is the same age as me and has just started a masters program at UF. His sister Kathleen also lives here. She works as a paralegal in town. My bedroom is on the left side [facing the house] in the very back corner. There is also one bedroom that is not occupied, if anyone would like to come and visit. As with all the pix posted here, you can click on it and a larger pix will open in the same window.

Brian's house where I currently live 10.17.04

thE pUps

Here's a photo of the playful pups. I was able to get a snapshot while they weren't ontop of each other playing. Bailey if a 3 year old yellow lab. He is quite taken by Karza meeting us in the morning, when I let them out, and lays outside my door when we are in here. Karza loves the company so it makes me feel good being that I am gone a lot at work. Ok, enough doggie talk for now...

Karza and Bailey on a break from playing 10.17.04

ImAgE Of sElf

Self portrait 10.16.04

grAffItI

So, the development of this blog is coming along nicely. I'm still working out the kinks but am very excited about the whole thing. Today was a nice somewhat relaxing day. Made some progress on the topper search, finally! Also made it over to the bike trails at the north end of San Felasco. It seems as though I do not a very good sense of direction in the woods and the maps don't always correlate with the trails. However, I didn't get majorly injured and had a good work out... so all in all it was good, sometime a bit stressful, but good. The highlight of the day was going out playing with my new toy... a digi cam!! I had a blast driving around finding things to shoot. I found an old rail road train that had graffiti on it. I likes this one a lot...

Graffiti art on abandoned train outside of High Springs 10.16.04

a New day

Well, this is the first blog ever... at least for me. Who knew it was so easy. I was just trying to find a place to post pix for the NEW digital camera I just bought!! Yes, that is right. I... who never thought I would own a digital camera now does. I just tell myself it goes along with the cell phone I was never going to own. I guess one should use definitives sparingly. It's a happy day in Karzaland... a new bag of food and even a nice shiny bone; what more could one ask for [besides a new digital camera]? That's all for now... until next time...