Fourteen Rules for Being Human
from If Life is a Game, These are the Rules by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body.

You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours the entire period this time around.


2. You will learn lessons.

You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.


3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.

Growth is a process of trial and error: experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."


4. A lesson is repeated until learned.

A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.


5. Learning lessons does not end.

There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.


6. "There" is no better than "here."

When your "there" has become a "here," you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."


7. Others are merely mirrors of you.

You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.


8. What you make of your life is up to you.

You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.


9. Life is exactly what you think it is.

You create a life that matches your beliefs and expectations.


10. You always get what you want.

Your subconscious rightfully determines what energies, experiences, and people you attract – therefore, the only fool proof way to know what you want is to see what you have. There are no victims, only students.


11. There is no right or wrong.

There are consequences. Moralizing doesn’t help. Judgments only hold the patterns in place. Just do your best.


12. Your answers lie inside you.

The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.


13. You will forget all this.



14. You can remember it whenever you want.

Saying goodbye... to summer

Yesterday, a cool front rolled in and is lingering giving us a taste of what is to come. Most everyone is happy, relieved of the heat. Yet I am sad, knowing summer is coming to an end, not that it was really here for long anyway. It feels as though summer has come and gone w/out notice.

Wilmington Weekend

Friday evening, I headed down to Wilmington, NC. I camped at Carolina Beach State Park, which turned out to be a really nice campground. Although it was car camping, the campground was relatively empty, making it a pleasantly peaceful place to spend the night. The plan was to rise early and meet Ari and Matthew at the Cape Fear Marina and load up for a day of paddling. All went well with some added thunder and lightening storms. Karza and I rose early and made our way to the marina. After getting thoroughly confused and driving over the Cape Fear River, where I could clearly see the marina, we finally made it there. After loading the kayaks onto one vehicle we made our way to a launch site, i.e. an overpass, and set out on Smith Creek.

It was a nice paddle. For the first 1/3 of the paddle it was quiet, natural, and a narrow part of the creek. However, the airport and multiple bridges took away some of the remoteness. Regardless it was a nice afternoon and the sun eventually came out and warmed the day. We made our way to Cape Fear River and to the marina, where pups and Ari's parents were awaiting our arrival.

Saturday evening was spent leisurely spent enjoying the warm summer weather on the catamaran and then after dinner, we set out to Wilmington to see what the downtown area had to offer. After wandering around the boardwalk, we made walked up front street and enjoyed a beer at Wilmington's only brewery, Front Street Brewery. Unfortunately, their Organic Hefeweizen was not available, but I gladly enjoyed a Kolsch instead.

It was a pleasant way to spend the weekend and I hope to make it back to the Wilmington area to explore again soon.

It's official....

Almost a month ago, I completed my graduate degree!

Such a ground breaking thing that has been anticipated for far too long. Although this was something I had been working effortlessly towards, resulting in neglecting most other facets of my life, it was one of the most anticlimactic events.

However, it was still a great relief... not to have obtained a graduate degree, that is but a piece of paper that if anything, represents that I jumped through the ridiculous hoops set up by ECU. It represents a period of time I hope I can one day look back on and not feel my stomach turn and teeth clinch. One day, I hope the bitterness will subside and I will be able to see the positive aspects of the experience, none of which are currently evident, except for the few connections that were created during my time there.

That being said... I am extremely happy to be finished and am enjoying my thesis free time. What has been taking up all the time previously spent toiling away on thesis work? Well, there is still work to be done to get the information out into the scientific community, but most of my time has been spent on the myriad of things I have not been able to enjoy in the past 4 years... such as cooking, spending time w/ my pouch, and most excitingly, learning how to sew.

Yes, after years and years of wanting to learn, I met a woman in town that does alterations and is teaching me how to sew. By altering clothing that has been patiently awaiting to be utilized, I am learning the basics of seamstressing and loving every minute of it. I recently finished my first project: a satchel [pix to come]. Years ago with a biking satchel in mind, I purchased some fabric and recently learned how to make, cut out, and alter a pattern. Additionally, I learned how to make button holes and am extremely excited about all there is to learn. I am very happy w/ the finished product, which is very unlike me, since I'm such a perfectionist and nothing is ever good enough that I make. Already, I have a few things queued up and can't wait to start on them.

Additionally, I have signed up for a pottery class that starts next week. Having recently learned how much I enjoy sewing, it reminded me of how much I like pottery. Pottery is the only other thing that ignites me and that I enjoy doing a great deal. One may say, they are what I feel passionate about. I'm looking forward to getting my hands in some clay... it's been too long.

Inspiring words...

If...
by Rudyard Kipling

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Two cents

In listening to a 'This I believe' essay this morning, I heard a trite phrase:

in life, you are only given what you can deal with

and my thought process stopped and pondered this over a few times... it has never sat right with me and I realized it doesn't make sense.

If a person is confronted w/ something in life, if they do not cope or deal with it in some way, it leads to their demise. So in effect, the phrase cannot be justified. People deal with what comes into their life, not because they are equipped to handle it, but because it is a matter of survival. In order to survive, and possibly attempt to thrive, one must overcome such obstacles. Although the phrase may be comforting to some... in reality, it is pure nonsense.

Soaking in the aftermath

It is really amazing... it is like I have begun living a whole different life. Yes, I still have to edit and turn in my thesis, but it somehow is not an all consuming entity anymore. I am actually looking forward to working on it, surprisingly. Overall, I just feel like such a happier person, as before it took nrg to be happy, now when I stop - and take a breadth, everything feels good.

There are still issues to dealt with and problems arising, yet it all seems better in some way. I am very grateful... sad that I brought it upon myself [grad school @ ECU that is] but thankful it is over and done with. It sounds trite, but each day no longer feels like a burden, it feels more like a blessing... and more than anything, it is so much easier to breathe.

The day has finally come.....

and how sweet it is to feel the relief
of 4 years of trudgery

In a mere 40 minutes, the work that has consumed my life, my existence, my happiness over the past four years peaked and stopped. Of what am I speaking... my thesis defense... that which has led to the end of many things close to me and has brought a few joys along the way. My mouth agape w/ astonishment, I was finally able to breathe.... and it felt good. Now, with only some editing to do before it is officially finished, I feel much happier, lighter, and finally in control of my life again. Like spring flowers all that is possible is sprouting everywhere. It feels good to be happy.

If you don't have anything nice to say... should you say antything at all?

What does one say when they have nothing positive to say? That is a question I am faced with constantly. Just now, someone visiting was inquiring about my experience at ECU and it seemed everything that came out of my mouth was negative. In such cases should I just not say anything? That is my normal approach, but then I feel like I am not being honest. So, then, how honest should I be?

It couldn't have been that bad, people tell me. So I try to think of the positives from my experiences at ECU... ... ... and nothing. Yes, I did meet a few nice people who I am thankful for; however, I lost just as many, if not more along the way... and the relationships lost had been cultivated and nurtured over many years making them much stronger connections than those made.

Anything else? Nothing positive to speak of... and so it is not surprising there very little good things to speak of when someone asks about my experience, my time, at ECU. My time... like a prisoner, which is how I felt for most of the time there... serving out my sentence.

Today is a day of love, love for another, but most importantly, love for oneself. In the day to week activities and obligations we often forget to love ourselves and sometimes, how to love ourselves.

Loving myself is a task I often forget about, and when I think of other people, with families and more obligations, I cannot even fathom being able to do it all.

Recent conversations have got me pondering thoughts of relationships, of being a part of something more, of someone else's life. It is something that was always part of my life before, but has, over the past ten years, slowly wilted away. Over the said duration a few new relationships have sprouted, but with each one, they seem to become less and less strong, less accepting, and less intimate.

I guess lately, I feel more like those around me put up with me as opposed to care about me. Not to strike up a pity party, but it is the feeling that has become more and more prominent over the years. Each time I feel this way, I sink further into myself, seeking comfort, finding it harder and harder to climb out each time... a sensitive seventeen year old, watching the world go by, changing, but stagnantly I stay, trying to love myself and all the wounds life has left along the way.

A life of limbo

Limbo

Tis a strange place, this Limbo!--not a Place,
Yet name it so;--where Time and weary Space
Fettered from flight, with night-mare sense of fleeing,
Strive for their last crepuscular half-being;--
Lank Space, and scytheless Time with branny hands
Barren and soundless as the measuring sands,
Not mark'd by flit of Shades,--unmeaning they
As moonlight on the dial of the day!
But that is lovely--looks like human Time,--
An old man with a steady look sublime,
That stops his earthly task to watch the skies;
But he is blind--a statue hath such eyes;--
Yet having moonward turn'd his face by chance,
Gazes the orb with moon-like countenance,
With scant white hairs, with fore top bald and high,
He gazes still,--his eyeless face all eye;--
As 'twere an organ full of silent sight,
His whole face seemeth to rejoice in light!
Lip touching lip, all moveless, bust and limb--
He seems to gaze at that which seems to gaze on him!
No such sweet sights doth Limbo den immure,
Wall'd round, and made a spirit-jail secure,
By the mere horror of blank Naught-at-all,
Whose circumambience doth these ghosts enthral.
A lurid thought is growthless, dull Privation,
Yet that is but a Purgatory curse;
Hell knows a fear far worse,
A fear--a future state;--'tis positive Negation!

~Samuel Taylor Coleridge 1817

my life has been is in limbo... it has been in limbo since i was 17... i keep thinking after my thesis is finished it will begin again... but i have a feeling i will always be limbo... i don't like limbo

Snowilliniliness

Today was a day of firsts. First time driving in the snow. First time watching the presidential inauguration. First time in the past 8 years the U.S. has chosen a leader that has it's citizens best interest in mind. First time I've swam 30 laps, since I've moved to MHC. First time taking off work due to weather. Perhaps some of these seem inconsequential, but today has been life impacting in subtle ways. Today was the first time I felt a smidgen of pride to be a citizen of the U.S. because there was finally a move in a positive direction. Not b/c the person I voted for is now president, nor that a democrat is in the White House, nor b/c an African American is president [though I do believe those are wonderful things], I am proud because finally enough people came together to make something happen.

Quote of the week

Live each season as it passes; breather air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. Let them be your only diet drink and botanical medicines.

~Henry David Thoreau

Morning thoughts....

If we are each the center of our own universe, then how do connections occur? How would our universes overlap? Should we instead be not the center of our own universe and more like a proton, orbiting the periphery, shifting consciousness, and enlarging our universe...

However, if we are more like protons, orbiting our own universe, are we not aware of the possibilities that abound? Meaning, does our universe that we are orbiting inhibit connections or is our universe porous, so as to say connections and possibilities can permeate? If this is the case and our own universe is permeable to possibilities and connections, then we do not need to be orbiting our universe. However, it does not seem possible that our universe, a culmination of the positive and negative bits and pieces of our lives, the residue that is left at the end of each day, does not act as some type of filter.

Therefore, shall we be open, at least partially, to new experiences, as one who orbits their own universe, or shall we sit comfortably, completely enveloped in a filter, like a cosy warm blanket, keeping all the bad [and possibly good] at bay?

The fog of reality

Sails and sunshine

The Simple Abundance entry for today touched on women who read too much and how that is impossible... that a person cannot read too much. However, I wonder is that is completely true. Yes, we can constantly gain more from each new reading; however, do our brains have a maximum capacity? Perhaps some can continuously fill their heads with information, but I seem unable to access information I have not readily used. Maybe my brain operated on a use it or loose it regime.

Additionally, I wonder if becoming more educated hinders us in some way. I know, I know, how could I possibly say that? Well, it's just that it's just that when we gain more knowledge and then need to gain more, and more, and more... it's a greedy cycle and of what benefit? Does it make us happier? Healthier? More like fatter and miserable. I'm not saying that knowledge and it's repercussions are all... I just think that perhaps it clutters our lives in way... and after awhile, it can be hindering and/or suffocating.

I think it best to keep it simple. Perhaps this merely means filtering through the mountainous information and picking out only that which is necessary and implementable. A feat easier said than done.

Remembering Mr. Roger

Growing up, I was never a fan of the TV show, Mr Roger's neighborhood. I could not understand why he would change his shoes and sweater when he went inside his house and I wasn't a big fan of The Neighborhood of Make-Believe. However, while listening to a This American Life episode, Neighbors that was originally aired in 2001. In the first act of the episode, Davy Rothbart, the creator of Found magazine, goes to visit Fred Roger's. As the story goes, on a family trip, when he was a child, following a correspondence between his brother and Mr. Roger, the family stopped by his house for a visit. Some number of years later, Davy Rothbart sets up a meeting with the aged Fred Roger. While listening to their conversations, focusing on neighbors and the general goodness that seems to be what comes out of Fred Rogers, including the following answer when Davy Rothbart asked Fred Roger about why neighbours are afraid to eachother and don't get to know eachother:

"I can tell you what i hope that I would do. I would hope that I would be brave enough to visit. It's so easy to condemn when we don't know, and if I would visit you and find out that you are a reasonable person, I could tell you about my sensitivities and see if it would make any difference to you."

After hearing the sensible good hearted responses Fred Roger had to say, I googled him and came across the PBS website for the television show. Within the website there are a few links on various topics of Thought for All Ages by Fred Rogers. Under the link for Growing in Adulthood, it lists three 'thoughts':

I recently learned that in an average lifetime a person walks about sixty-five thousand miles. That's two and half times around the world. I wonder where your steps will take you. I wonder how you'll use the rest of the miles you're given.

It's not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life which ultimately nourish our souls. It's the knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to fear the truth, that the bedrock of our very being is good stuff. That's what makes growing humanity the most potentially glorious enterprise on earth.

Please think of the children first. If you ever have anything to do with their entertainment, their food, their toys, their custody, their childcare, their health care, their education—listen to the children, learn about them, learn from them. Think of the children first.

Even though I may not have cared much for the children's show, I find it touching what Mr. Roger has to offer. I don't know if the show is still on the air, but I hope children growing up today are influenced by the mores and perceptions he offered.

Death... or something

While driving to work this morning I caught a bit of the UK broadcast discussing the airing of someone taking their own life. Apparently, it is part of a documentary that was filmed a few years ago and will be seen on the British airways sometime soon. What caught my attention, more than the content of the radio broadcast, was how those interviewed never made a statement as to "... they should not be able to air such a thing...", the persons interviewed spoke more so as to say "... I hope that the content of the footage is done in a respectful manner..."

Perhaps this is not a significant point to be made, but it got me thinking about how Americans are so quick to point fingers and tell others what should and should not be done. Americans rave about their freedoms and opportunities, yet somehow it seems fictitious in a way. More and more, others are deciding what is best the public, instead of letting them decide for themselves. The opportunities are disappearing because there is too much of a liability. What ever happened to responsibility?

Silence

There is a silence where hath been no sound,

There is a silence where no sound may be,

In the cold grave—under the deep, deep sea,

Or in wide desert where no life is found,

Which hath been mute, and still must sleep profound;

No voice is hush'd—no life treads silently,

But clouds and cloudy shadows wander free,

That never spoke, over the idle ground:

But in green ruins, in the desolate walls

Of antique palaces, where Man hath been,

Though the dun fox or wild hyæna calls,

And owls, that flit continually between,

Shriek to the echo, and the low winds moan—

There the true Silence is, self-conscious and alone.

~ Thomas Hood (1798–1845)