After not being to focus the past few days and having the glimpse of warmer weather, we headed over the beach. Unknowingly the beach was in the process of being renourished, a nicer way to say they pumping sand and critters from offshore onto the beach so that the $$ houses do not wash away.

However, the beach has the wonderful capability of clearing the mind and settling the nerves. Returning to good 'ole G-vegas, I felt much better. It amazes me how something so simple can make such a difference. Although I do not understand why, I am simply happy that I know it does.

Organic

Dismal and dull.
Larger than life.
We strive to move forward,
without looking behind.

The sorrow and pain,
lingers and flows,
through one's veins.
Helpless, no?

The energy to live...
to fight for one's life,
is an unconscious action
finite in time.

Like each breath in,
an exhale follows.
Until one day
the air is gone.

Punctuated Point

uneasy emotions...
riding the swells,
stationary
rising and falling.

sadness
for what might of been
or what was?
hard to distinguish
between the two.

so much has occurred
in little time passed.
the same
I feel...
yet hollowed
by experience.

hopeful,
yet empty...
with little to give,
and no one
to receive.

like a child,
dancing in the street.
not for money
but for the audience.

it's become harder...
to continue to dance
when no one is listening.

what's the point?

The most wonderfully unused doghouse in the world!

After receiving a generic warning for not having 'proper shelter' for Karza and being threatened of having her taken away, two of the most wonderful people helped me build a doghouse to appease the @ssh*le. It's a grand doghouse, the most fabulously wonderful one in the world! The sad thing is that Karza won't go in it unless I make her. But it sure does look pretty and if I ever get locked out, I'll have somewhere to sleep.

Moving music

For those whose feet touch the earth and those whose spirit soars above the clouds............

I see you sleeping
Only in my mind
And I have been away
And on this season
I waste so much time
Thinking of when I
Would hold you gently
And I'd look into your eyes
And I would be the one
To calm your shaking
When you would cry

I miss you in my life
I miss you in my life
I miss you in my life
So miss you in my life

You had your answers
Within every smile
And time and time again
I'd lose my chances
To reconcile

And even if I had my time over
It would take awhile
To reveal all my best intentions
That I let slip by

I miss you in my life
So miss you in my life
I miss you in my life
Now I miss you in my life

~ Xavier Rudd

.... you are not forgotten.

Even though it was the middle of February and the beach was cold, I couldn't resist spending a few moments on the heavily modified beach that used to be F/A during a friends wedding. There was a strong wind, but the sun's rays helped me keep warm. The ocean was not very rough and the small swells were rolling in nicely.

A new day's promise

How long one's path may seem
as seasons change
and leaves turn green.

When darkness falls
and the crescent grins
one's unmet goals, simmer
beneath the skin.

Rest and dreams...
await
desired by one
to start a new day.

"I want to be 100 percent here.... When I am writing, I am inside the sound and meaning of the words, playing with them, curving them around eachother. When I am eating, I luxuriate in the taste and texture of everybite. When I am alone, I listen to and communicate with the silence within me and the noises and messages of the world around me. And when I am with people, I am really with them..."

~ Rita Golden Gelman
Tales of a Female Nomad

Optimism

Trees are the ultimate optimists.... always reaching for the sky, growing taller and stronger. This is one of the trees greeting the morning sun as its rays broke the horizon, attempting to warm the cold earth. Leafless, the naked tree's beauty sang silently loud and stoic... a reminder of virtues to manifest.

Technological advances degrade human communication

Just the other day I was thinking about how the advances in technology may be decreasing communication between people and today, I came across this well written essay. The author does a good job of pointing out relevant studies on the topic however, I feel she does not bring up the simple aspect of laziness. The lack of communication between people in society today is exacerbated through technological advances but stems from sheer laziness. The downside of this is that there is more room for error from misinterpretation and inability to pick up on things not communicated in words, just as body language and feelings.

Life... it's not just a boardgame

But on this stage
I've learned to fly
Learned to sing
And learned to cry

Life is but a play, with people and roles that come and go. We are touched by some, so deeply, the impression lasts eternal. As the next scene begins, our attention turns, to focus on the next new plot that unfolds. It is during those times of reflectance, that the memory is reawakened, happiness remembered, and sadness knowing it will not reoccur.

But now it's time
To say goodbye
Some might laugh
But I will surely cry

Lyrics from 'Lady' by Regina Spektor

Drowning in a sea of fluff

So, a lot has been going on lately... to the point where I've yet to be able to take it all in. Through each 'growth' experience endured, I feel myself becoming stronger, but at the same time weaker. It is as though the range between the peaks and valleys become wider, meaning when the next 'growth' experience occurs I feel like the depth of pain fallen to is deeper and the point to rise above it is farther away. The positive spin on this is that the new point arisen to [if capable of enduring the depth] is higher than previously reached.

The routine of emotional oscillation does not feel nor does it logically seem like a productive way to move through life... but what other choice is there? One option is to simply ignore and not deal with life's occurrences, but frankly I've tried that and am still working towards undoing the by-products. The approach as of late has been to allow myself to delve into the emotions, giving them the attention they are wanting, screaming for, like a child, and once satisfied, they are content and I can move on my way. This approach has been more beneficial than the one previously stated, but the moving on part is where I seem to get hung up.

Forgiving and forgetting has never been something that came easily to me. However, as you may have guessed, holding grudges is second nature and is something I have been and still am diligently working on trying to overcome. Holding a grudge, building walls, and retreating feels ingrained and once hurt, there is little one can do to reconcile it, although taking responsibility for one's actions has always been a positive act in my eyes.

This all sounds self-centered and possibly self-righteous and hey, maybe I'm the f*cked up one who needs to get with the program.... but it just doesn't seem right. Hurting someone you care about just is not acceptable to me. Perhaps I'm the only one who feels this way and is simply not ready to be ostracized. Intimacy is the beautiful glue that holds relationships together, without it people are simply animals in close proximity. The lack of intimacy in relationships that occurs as we get older is what feels ostracizing b/c the rest just seems like fluff.

A daze work

With most of time being consumed with work, it's not surprising that the majority of my posts are work related. So,in keeping with the recent trend, I've posted the pix below.



It's a map of the study area of the project with the shoreline change rate for two sites within the study area. I'm hoping to map the entire area, but may not be able to due to time constraints. Thought some people might find it interesting to see what I'm always yapping about.

Kings Of Convenience - Misread

So truthful and simple.... as relationshps should be.

Half way there....

The semester has begun and with it the aggravation of a university system that makes previous institutions, like UF, once thought of as in effective uses of state monies now look like exquisite examples. Yet another bur to irritate the already infected sore that this new 'growth' experience called a Master's Degree.

Why such a dismal outlook, you may ask, from someone who is generally a pleasant person. I wish I could say, but it is just one thing after another that has made this 'experience' more aggravating than enjoyable. Only 1.5 years left... that's what I keep telling myself. Then, I can go on to where ever to do whatever. I just hope it is more enjoyable than the present.

One ending and a new begining

The year 2006 has ended... and 2007 has begun. Spending the past week and a half in Florida was sullenly refreshing, as contradicting as it could be. It was wonderful to catch up with family and friends, some of which I had not seen in many years. Although many encounters were brief, it was refreshing to reconnect. There is a fine space in time when a visit becomes too much and it then turns difficult to leave. The familiarity becomes comforting and leaving causes sadness. That time was surpassed during the visit, but regret the visit, I do not. It makes me ponder plans post master's degree and if I will be returning to Florida. There are many positives that are lacking here and North Carolina has yet to be a place I'd enjoy calling an extended home. However, that time is still in the distant future and much is to be accomplished before then.

As for the new year that lies ahead.... I am focusing on health, clarity, and simplicity.

Is it Friday yet?

It's almost 5 p.m. and I have yet to print the poster I finished late last night (see below). Even tho it was a pain in the ass, I'm proud of the thing. I'm itching to get outta town though.... got the bug.



If you want to read the information on it, just click the pix. a larger image of the poster will open in a new window.

Fire Coming Out Of The Monkey's Head

Once upon a time at the foot of a great mountain, there was a town where the people known as Happyfolk gloond.(Chorus in background humming)Their very existence a mystery to the rest of the world, obscured as it was by great clouds. Here they played out their peaceful lives, innocent of the litany of excess and violence that was growing in the world below. To live in harmony with the spirit of the mountain called Monkey was enough. (Chorus stops humming) Then one day Strangefolk arrived in the town. They came in camouflaged, hidden behind dark glasses, and no one noticed them; they only saw shadows. You see, without the truth of the eyes, the Happyfolk were blind.

Falling out of aeroplanes and hiding out in holes
Waiting for the sunset to come, people going home
Jump out from behind them, and shoot them in the head
Now everybody dancing the dance of the dead
The dance of the dead
The dance of the dead.

In time, the Strangefolk found their way into the higher reaches of the mountain, and it was there that they found the caves of unimaginable sincerity and beauty. By chance, they stumbled upon the place where all good souls come to rest. The Strangefolk, they coveted the jewels in these caves above all things, and soon they began to mine the mountain, it's rich seam fueling the chaos of their own world. Meanwhile, down in the town, the Happyfolk slept restlessly, their dreams invaded by shadowy figures digging away at their souls. Every day, people would wake and stare at the mountain. Why was it bringing darkness into their lives? And as the Strangefolk mined deeper and deeper into the mountain, holes began to appear, bringing with them a cold and bitter wind that chilled the very soul of the Monkey. For the first time, the Happyfolk felt fearful for, they knew that soon the Monkey would stir from its deep sleep. Then there came a sound. Distant first, it grew into castrophany so immense it could be heard far away in space. There were no screams. There was no time. The mountain called Monkey had spoken. There was only fire. And then, nothing.

Oh, little town in U.S.A
The time has come to see
Oh nothing you believe you are
But where were you when it all came down on me
Did you call me now?

~ Gorillaz

...going thru the motions

never could stand what i saw
under a light looked so wrong

the spotlight is on

had to be sure it's not me
had to be pure conscious free

the feeling is gone

going thru the motions

to be sure....

                                          ~ The Mysteries of Life