YIPEE!!!!! Field Trip

In a meeting, about a month or so ago, the people involved in project I'm working on, referred to from now on as the NOAA project for simplicity, gathered to discuss possible sites along the study the area, the Neuse Estuary.

During the meeting it was agreed to try and have a meeting with the other 2 groups; there are 3 groups total working on this NOAA project. NOAA funded three research projects looking at different aspects of sea-level rise effects on estuarine shorelines. The purpose of the meeting is to see if the three groups want to try and have a common site so that when all the data is collected and the models merged, there will be one commonality within the three.

Ok, everyone set aside two sets of dates to try and coordinate with the other groups. After one of the dates was set, it was proposed to use the other dates to have a field trip to check out the proposed areas. Once the date of the meeting was set, this seemed to fall by the waste side, but I did not forget and brought it up a few weeks ago. Upon inquiring about a possible field excursion, I was told if I wanted to organize it, it could happen.

Needless to say, I was a bit apprehensive.. organizing an excursion and trying to coordinate something involving people I have yet to meet was a bit intimidating. However, I was able to get a grip and everything ended up working out well. In the beginning, it seemed that a few of the small group were not going to be able to make it; however, everyone ended up being able to go.

It was great to finally get to see the areas up close. Looking at them on a computer screen is nothing compared to being there in person. Though many people do not like marsh and think they are worthless, they are very beautiful. I had never taken so many pix of marsh in my life.

Here are my two advisors. JP on the left, he is the GIS guy and has done a lot of sediment movement research. Reide is my main advisor, on the right. He is a chemical oceanographer and had to go out on a cruise that morning and joined us later in the afternoon.

Ah,the synthesis of biology and geology... who would have thought?

It was amazing to see the difference between the bulkheaded areas and those that have naturally been able to recede. Whoever said marshes were not beautiful? They didn't know what they were talking about.

What is weird for me, is that this area is protected by the barrier islands and therefore is only worked and reworked by large storms. The pocket sediment bank beaches is not from erosion of the land, but from deposition by storms carrying sand inward from the barrier islands. It's hard to not think of the area, so close to the ocean, not having tidal fluctuations.

The perfect ending to a hard days work!

The most beautiful and most profound experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their primitive forms - this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness.

( Albert Einstein - The Merging of Spirit and Science)

Outings and explorations

So, I decided to do a bit of exploring... and hit the beach while I was at it. I just can't stay away....

Down the road from Atlantic beach, the closest ocean beach, is Fort Macon. Being that it was built between 1826-1834, it is in great shape, compared to the Castillo de San Marco. However, the Castillo is 300 years older, made of coquina, and endured many years of salt water weathering. Fort Macon is built with brick and though is located on an inlet, I do not think it had a moat. There is a draw bridge, but the area on the outside of what would be a moat is full of entrances and windows into rooms.

The fort sits on a hill at the northern end of a barrier island. It looks out into the ocean (east), to the inlet (north), and to the intercoastal waterway (west). The island is not very wide and one could walk from side to side in a matter of minutes. The center of the fort is somewhat tear-dropped shaped.

The lighting was beautiful! I had a wonderful time taking many many pictures. In am not quite sure how to describe the fort, perhaps colonial, but definitely not spanish style, though the archways were rather low.
Aside from the center building of the fort, the other rooms and areas were mostly under the earth, but faced out toward the center building. This was the only lighting coming in, and it was very beautiful.

The fort would have been great for a childhood, or adult for that matter, game of hide and seek, especially at night. My little kid was having a great time. Though there were a few times when I was not able to see into some areas and got a wee bit of a creepy feeling...

I like this one... I think it's because you cannot quite make out the detail, like an oil painting.

The abode

Well, I finally took some pictures of the apartment.

Here's a picture of the apartment buildings in which I live. Mine is number 5, a very good number indeed. It seems that people around here have a thing with red doors, I don't quite get it, but it seems to be very common.

The apartment consists of 3 rooms with two entrances/exits facing east and west, which I like a lot. It creates a nice cross breeze through the house with the doors and windows open. As you walk in through the front door, you enter the living room/kitchen area. I have yet to get a small table b/c I am not sure if I will have enough room for it, but I'd really like one.

Then you walk through the door on the opposite wall as the front door, into the bedroom with the bathroom off to the right side. Basically, the apartment is shaped like a square, broken up into two rectangles. The first rectangle is the living room/kitchen and the second rectangle consists of two squares, one large and one small. The bedroom is the larger square with the smaller square being the bathroom.

Going out the back door into the backyard, which is nicely sized, there is a small stoop with a few brick steps, like in the front. Outside, there are two comfy lounge chairs to sit and ponder. I like to lay on the bed, looking out through the screened door and watch the birds. They go through the bird seed so quickly!

I enjoy the apartment a lot. I really like living on my own and it's a good size, not too big and not too small, quite perfect actually. I just hope money doesn't get too tight, b/c I'd like to stay in this apartment. It's only 4 blocks from campus and I come home for lunch a lot.

I'm also looking into using snapfish to upload photos for you guys to view. You would also be able to purchase them and they would be shipped to your door for a mere 12 cents a piece... not bad, eh. Has anyone used this before?

What's stimulating you?

Recently, while purchasing a DVD, I realized that they have become cheaper than music CDs. For some reason, this doesn't seem to make sense. Even the cheapest movie probably cost more to make than a music CD. So, does that mean that people are watching more movies than listening to music?

Anyone who drives has witnessed the people, including myself on occasion, who are jamming out some type of music, and then there are the people who like to share their music with everyone... within a mile radius.

It still makes me wonder. For instance, I purchased three DVDs the other day for a whopping $16.00. Granted, the cover of one was to in the best condition, but that is the price for one CD! I wonder if the price of CDs are going to come down. Before long musicians are going to have to be able to fill a 700MB CD with MP3s, now that's a lot of music.

Lips that taste of tears, they say,
Are the best for kissing.
- Dorothy Parker

Update

Ok, so this past week hasn't been the easiest.... but hey, there is a meteor shower tonight. Just goes to show that no matter how sh*tty or great things are, time keeps moving on with or with out you. It's kinda refreshing in a way.... because you know it will all work itself out in the end. It's just a matter of dealing with it in the meantime. As long as I keep on breathing, I know I'm living, which means it'll all pass.

At the bottom looking up

It amazes me every time...
like it's never happened before.

Things are moving along fine,
and then BOOM -
someone slams the door.

The room is closed off,
overwhelmed with emotion...

Dealing with these events,
doesn't seem like an option.

Acting from feelings
of sadness and loss,

Things out of control
for that is the cost.

Full of peaks and valleys,
we continue the ride.

Waiting for the next thrill,
of a door to open wide.

Memo

I posted some pix from the field work over in the Outer Banks (OBX). It's on a blog dated for July 19th. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do about posting pix. I would like to have an online album for you guys to see what's going on. I'll keep you to date though.

Convalescent

How shall I wail, that wasn't meant for weeping?
Love has run and left me, oh, what then?
Dream, then, I must, who never can be sleeping;
What if I should meet Love, once again?

What if I met him, walking on the highway?
Let him see how lightly I should care.
He'd travel his way, I would follow my way;
Hum a little song, and pass him there.

What if at night, beneath a sky of ashes,
He should seek my doorstep, pale with need?
There could he lie, and dry would be my lashes;
Let him stop his noise, and let me read.

Oh, but I'm gay, that's better off without him;
Would he'd come and see me, laughing here.
Lord! Don't I know I'd have my arms about him,
Crying to him, "Oh, come in, my dear!"

Dorothy Parker

She Was a Phantom of Delight

She was a Phantom of delight
When first she gleamed upon my sight;
A lovely Apparition, sent
To be a moment's ornament;
Her eyes as stars of Twilight fair;
Like Twilight's, too, her dusky hair;
But all things else about her drawn
From May-time and the cheerful Dawn;
A dancing Shape, an Image gay,
To haunt, to startle, and waylay.

I saw her upon nearer view,
A Spirit, yet a Woman too!
Her household motions light and free,
And steps of virgin-liberty;
A countenance in which did meet
Sweet records, promises as sweet;
A Creature not too bright or good
For human nature's daily food,
For transient sorrows, simple wiles,
Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears, and smiles.

And now I see with eye serene
The very pulse of the machine;
A Being breathing thoughtful breath,
A Traveller between life and death;
The reason firm, the temperate will,
Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;
A perfect Woman, nobly planned,
To warn, to comfort, and command;
And yet a Spirit still, and bright
With something of angelic light.

William Wordsworth

Love lost
parted ways

Love still felt
it's presence dismayed

Why deny
what is felt by both?

For simple ease,
maturity and growth.

Lingering questions

How can something so wonderful be so painful?

How can someone so thoughtful and caring cause one to hurt?

Why is change equated with loss?

When it is what is best for all, why does it bring grief?

If love was more simple, would it still be as beautiful?

Longing for that which is not there

The efflux of the soul is happiness, here is happiness,
I think it pervades the open air, waiting at all times,
Now it flows unto us, we are all rightly charged.

Here rises the fluid and attaching character,
The fluid and attaching character is the freshness and sweetness of a man and a woman,
(The herbs of the morning sprout no fresher and sweeter every day out of the roots of themselves, than it sprouts fresh and sweet out of itself.)
Toward the fluid and attaching character exudes the sweat of the love of young and old,
From it falls distill'd the charm that mocks beauty and attainments,
Toward it heaves the shuddering longing ache of contact.

taken from Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman

Another day...

Like most days, today involved throwing myself into various brick walls, i.e. getting frustrated in that I could not get anywhere with work and feeling as though I was not accomplishing enough... though I spend most of my time in front of this computer.

However, unlike most days, I was visited by my P.I., just checking in top see if I was doing ok. Initially, I was nervous thinking I had to have something to produce and felt like I had nothing.... however, he came just after I had managed to at least display the data in a way that worked, though it was not how I had wanted.

Needless to say, it went well and I felt like I had done a good job... at least he seemed to be impressed. So, I get a nice pat on the back... a 'way to go!'.... things I need every now and then.

Sometimes I wonder what it is all for.......

the little accomplishments.

Post weekend tired business

This past weekend was not very busy, but I am exhausted! It was wonderful to have a double wammi of company with Matthew coming up Thursday evening and then Danielle and Dan coming up Friday evening.

We went exploring Saturday, but did not venture into anything very eventful except for the happening restaurant in Swan Courter, called the Grille. If you didn't quite pick up on it that was extremely sarcasm. Actually, I enjoyed my fish sandwich; it was much better than the fast food kind. That night we went out for a few drinks to Christie's Euro Pub. It was enjoyed all around. However, it made me realize how old I am being that we went out before it was dark and got back to the house around 11p.m.

Sunday, Matthew and I made it over to the beach late in the afternoon. It was really nice weather and the wind was even a bit chilly. I'm looking forward to going over whenever I have the free time.

As for now... lots to do.

Workin' hard

After going bowling last night, and having my best game ever, I met up with Kolt at 8 a.m. this morning to give him a hand out in the field. He had to go to some of his sites and collect data, and since I loves field workin', I said I'd help out. Kolt is also from Florida and attended UF as well, but we didn't meet until we were both here. Today was nice... being outside is always a pleasure in addition to going to new places, what more could one ask?

So, a short day in the filed is followed by a leisurely swim at the pool and a bit of sun bathing. Now back to work.... to the daily grind. But looking forward to more of the same.

Ok, so I maxed out my photobucket online photo album and am looking for an alternative. I can upgrade for $25/year to 1GB but I was also looking at smugmug, has anyone used this or have any other suggestions?

I was also thinking of making my own webpage, since I want to learn html anyway, but I don't really have time for that right now.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Some pictures taken one of the days we were working in field.... This storm got us moving quickly.

It is a nice field site. I wouldn't mind having to go out once a month and collect data. We were collecting data and taking various measurements of the wells, the circular things in the ground we had put in earlier in the week, for Ari's project. We had to dig out the holes, usually put casing in, which is a large expensive hollow pvc pipe, and then insert the well. The well consists of a smaller pvc pipe with a plastic filter on the bottom, to let water in but keep sand out. She then lowered lagers, which collect data at set intervals.

These sites are located near SR 12 on the OBX. It's like A1A in Florida. It's the main road that runs down the barrier islands.

Here's a pix of JP, one of my advisors, and I working at sites farther North from the others, hence there is no storm.

This pix was taken on the sound side of the road. Ari, the one with the laptop, Twaumly, and I workin' hard.

Return from OBX

Survival in the Outer Banks was tough....naw, just joking. It was more like a vacation. Hot and sweaty working all day in the sun, a dip in the ocean afterwards to cool off and clean up and then dinner and getting to know knew people. Mixed in with a few late nights and some exploring and then high tailing it back west. Further exploration is definitely a must.

Were we were at, near Jockey's Ridge State Park and Kitty Hawk, the ocean water was calm with waves rolling in close to shore, not good for body boarding. Being over there made me realize how much I miss it.... just being on or near the ocean.

Hopefully, one day I'll be able to call a place near the beach my home and watch the changing shoreline being wisped away and return. But for now, I am here in Greenville, enjoying my time and keeping busy with an endless list of 'To Do' activities. Anxiously awaiting a visit from old friends and those soon to come.

Off to the field....

The weekend in Fl went well. Did not have much time but I think it was nice to get to visit with a few people. I arrived Friday afternoon and was soon there after dragged into the 'family photos' at Matthew's mom's wedding. The pix are going to be viewable online; when I get the link, I'll post it here and you can take a peak. The wedding was held at Hanna park in North Jax. Beach. I enjoy the park so much... it's beautiful. Shortly after the ceremony we headed down to the beach for a quick dip. It was great! Unfortunately though, due to the weather, there were a lot of strong rip currents.

Sunday afternoon, I headed back north to Greenville and today, I am going out to Nags Head, on the Outer Banks, to join the others for some field work the rest of the week. We are going to be staying in Nags Head and working north of the thick part of Cape Hatterus, where is turns in, towards the mainland, and also south of Cape Hatterus, in the Buxton area. The house is located on a wildlife preserve and there is no television so, it will be nice. I hope to get some good pictures, take a stroll around the preserve, and get to enjoy the beach some.

I hope all goes well and I do not get sick with the flu. I was able to get away without catching it Saturday, may have been infected Sunday. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

You have to read this I don't know about you guys but, I can account to having been apart of 5 or more of the listed items, which apparently means that I am a devil worshiper and desperately need help and have "gone astray from the Lord." It severely saddens me that there are people out there that truly believe this sh*t!

Busy bees buzz merrily

Things have been a bit crazy lately. Not crazy interesting, just crazy busy. I'm going to be heading south tomorrow morning to attend Matthew's mother's wedding. It will be nice to see you guys again. I was hoping we could have a beach day Saturday, but it looks like the rains from the tropical storm may intervene. It may still be possible though.

After driving back up Sunday morning, I am supposed to meet a group of people over on the outerbanks to help with field work for the rest of the week. I'm excited! Days spent sweating toxins away and working my nonexistent butt off, yipee! And that is said without a hint of sarcasm. Unfortunately, I will not be able to bring Karza with me, but a few graduate students have offered to take care of her for me. I am very grateful, but feel a bit weird about the whole thing.

All in all, things seem to be working out well. I've been making lots of maps recently, which is good, b/c I need the practice. It is so nice to be able to make something... guess that's why I like GIS.... I get to play with and make maps.

Hopefully, I'll be able to take some shots at the wedding and out in the field. I posted some more pix on the online album. There are some from the summer I spent in Panama and some more photos added to already existing albums. Unfortunately, I have met the maximum capacity of free space offered. I am not sure what I am going to do yet. If anyone has any suggestions, that would great!

Sweet patchouli

Here are some pix of my precious patchouli plant.  I transplanted it when I moved, and it has increased a lot in size.  Just think, it was a small propogated plant in a 4 inch pot, when I bought it.  I must admit, it is my most spoiled plant, if any are spoiled.  It definately gets the most attention.  You can smell the patchouli fragrance a little now, but I can't wait until it flowers.

Sunday music in the park...

A dime story

Walking out of the store, I glance down see a dime and continue walking. A dime, 10 cents, which today is worthless on it’s own. I barely remember being able to buy a piece of cheap sugar candy when I was a kid. It’s amazing how much inflation has taken place over the course of my lifetime, a mere 25 years.

To remember when a phone call was a quarter, just what a kid could store in their kangaroo sneakers. Now, gas is increasing daily and is thought not to decrease, ever. In listening to NPR today, there was a discussion of gas prices and going rate for oil. It is expected that by the end of the year supply is going to be able to meet demand, which means that the wealthy will be ones able to enjoy the luxury of long distance transport. What does that have to say about plane flights? The airlines are in great trouble now; higher gasoline princes are going to make things worse.

Where did it all go wrong? That answer is varied, however, our current president is not helping the matter. What were Americans thinking electing a man funded and devoted to the oil industry? It angers me to see people agree with the band-aids set forth, instead of trying to deal with the source. Buying more oil is not the answer, drilling our oil is n to the answer, the only answer is finding another way. That is where research money should be going… not into health cures. What good is it to keep people alive when there is nowhere for them to live or a way for them to live?

However, I am a hypocrite in saying this, even though it is what I believe. Yet I drive my little 4-cylinder engine and burn gasoline, hell I’m typing this right now, using up energy. We, as humans, think our satisfaction is above all else, even other people’s satisfaction. I wonder if I will ever be able to practice what I preach. But still, I am just a hypocrite, pointing out what most educated peoples also see. Perhaps if I keep my little candle burning, it will attract others and soon there will be a fire burning so powerful it will blanket the earth and no ignorant, selfish person will be able to stop it!

Size small

In a search for a desk, I entered one of the many commercial chains taking hold. Before making my way to the furnishings area, I was sidetracked by their clothing sections. Though I’m not in a position to buy any new clothing, I peruse the racks anyway. Finding a pair of cropped yoga pants, size medium, I head to the dressing room to try them on. Surprisingly, they are too big and I have to look for a smaller size. I locate a pair labeled small and gleefully head back to the fitting room. I cannot remember the last time I have worn a pair of pants or shorts sized small.

I try on the pants and end up purchasing them, partially because they are a small and fit and partially b/c I have been considering purchasing a pair. As I left the store, with clothing unneeded and no desk, I begin to think about my motive for purchasing the pants… because they were a small and they fit, when I am normally a medium, on a good day, if not a large.

So, what’s the big deal? Why did this short-lived ego boost [I later noticed the pants were mislabeled and they are in fact a medium] linger in my thoughts? Well, it made me think about societal norms and how I too am influenced by them. Striving to be thin, a thin that would normally be considered unhealthy. I think that I am a string individual, with my own thoughts, ideals, and desires. Yet, some are shared by others, some I often question… as to whom they belong.

Time alone

This time alone has been wonderful, like a much needed vacation. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the company and do miss the time spent with friends, but there is just something that feels so good about it... that just feels right.

Things don’t normally feel that way for me. More often, they are a struggle and had I known how much of a struggle, I would not have pursued them so. Now, I can see things from a different light. It is wonderful to feel and experience what I had witnessed for others.

Sometime, after returning from Tennessee, I feel like something happened and I had come to and understanding or acceptance with what I was about to undergo. I was alright that Matthew was going to be an 8-hour drive away and that I was not going to interact with the people I would look forward to seeing on a daily or weekly basis. Whatever happened, I am grateful, because I do not know how I would have fared through this experience otherwise.

Though I do miss the people I would talk with and spend time with, I am relishing this quiet time. So, no offense to anyone… I still love and care about you all. This time is much needed and is a preparation for what is to come. Soon, I the loneliness will set in, but I hope I will be able to accept and deal with it. It’s nice to be anonymous and to have things be new and unknown. Though it doesn’t last long, I guess I’m just enjoying it.

Relocating....

Sitting here at The Tispy Tea-pot, a local bookstore, tea, and now coffee house [the coffee house next door went out of business, so they are accommodating us pesky java junkies], I stopped in to use the free wireless internet to check email and look into some bills.

Things have been going well with the move and all. Pulling the trailer was not that bad actually. I am enjoying my truck more and more these days. It's becoming quite the everything vehicle. Luckily, we did run into much trouble during the travel up. I was rather frustrated with myself though b/c we had a late start. However, I had only myself to blame.

Thursday was very pleasant and I am so fortunate to have friends willing to donate their time to help me move. We sent out to Satchel's, my favorite pizza place, and had a good dinner. The food there is always great, I'm really going ot miss it... and the company!

Matthew and I arrived very late, Friday night, and ended up crashing on the hard linoleum floor. Not the best sleeping condition. The next day we unloaded the trailer, or I should say Matthew unloaded most of it. His help was wonderful and having him here for the transition has made the world of difference. It just feels so right... and that is a wonderful welcomed feeling, I'm hoping to become more accustomed to.

The weekend was filled with various trips to the dreaded conglomerate named Wal-Mart. Because of my picky, also called frustrating, way of going about things, these various trips were more intensive than what Matthew had in store, but he endured them well overall.

The begining of the week was spent at the DMV and various other offices, trying to receive a drver's license and start extablishing residency. Many hours and an empty pocket book later, all was successful.

The apartment is great! I really like it and it is wonderful to be living alone. I was worried about Karza, since she would not Bailey to play with anymore, but every surrounding neighbor has a dog. There is a guy moving in at the end of the month on the other side of me and we will see how that goes, but so far things have been great! The back yard is really nice, good sized, with plenty of space. There is a bird's nest in the corner of my A/C unit and I even got a bird feeder for the other birds.

As for the town, it's reminding me more and more of Gainesville. There are all your main corporate stores and restaurants, i.e. Best Buy, Ruby Tuesdays, Target, Circuit City, T. J. Max, Bed Bath & Beyond, etc. but it looks like they have a lot of local stuff too. Once I get my hands on a phone book, I'm hoping to utilize the local places more. On the other hand,Greenville is like the polar opposite of Gainesville in that the people are so nice and helpful. It's wonderful to go into a store and ask for something and actually have someone try and help you find it, if they don't already know where it is. The South does have some perks.

Overall, I'm really happy with my decision, just wish I could bring you guys up here with me. You'll have to some up and visit! My door is always open and I'll save a spot for ya on the floor.

Bonnaroo experience

The Bonnaroo festival was a fun experience, though I am not sure if I am going next year. The music was great, but the weather was not. However, from talking with locals, it seems usual for Manchester, TN around that time.

As we were heading up we drove through downtown Atlanta. I had never been so it was eye stimulating experience. The buildings were so beautiful. There were many of the old brick buildings with beautiful architecture. Katye took the picture below...

This was the entrance to the main stage. Each time we entered we were searched. It was interesting to me how one becomes conditioned so easily. You become accustomed to what they are gonna check and they don't have to even say anything. We are all just Pavlovian mice.

The camping area was outside 'Centeroo', which was where the bands performed. Having been checked at the gate, once you move into Centeroo, you would find there are randomly placed things, such as pinwheels, flashing lightning bugs, a group of red flags, the Magic Mushroom Fountain, Happy Men on sticks, and others. Upon seeing this sign, after having just entered the Centeroo grounds, I felt like I was in Dr. Seus land at Islands of Adventure.

This continued on because the stages the artists played at were named What Stage, Which Stage, That Tent, This Tent, and The Other Tent. This Tent is where we saw most of the shows.

Ah, the Magic Mushroom Fountain. I was enchanted with this precariously placed device and was sad not to have partaken in its wonderful flowing waters. Katye and I had planned on getting in it but the weather turned rainy and then a bit chilly, so bathing in the Magic Mushroom Fountain did not occur. I'd like to have one at my home one day though.

So, how did the dirty festival goers remain somewhat clean and not stink out their neighbors? Well, there were water stations placed next to the Porto-potties where one can brush their teeth, bathe, wash dishes, and gather water. The water came form a well on the farm and was really good. It was cold and reminded me of mountain water form the highlands. Unfortunately, they did not remain very clean. Americans are such filthy, lazy animals.

These Happy Men were located on sticks, placed on a row on one side of Centeroo. They were each different and decorated uniquely as well.

For Matthew

Love is....

  the happiness with anticipation
    of our next encounter.
  your smile cupped by a dimple
    in each cheek.
  the embrace of your arms
    as they hold me tight.

Love is...

   the saddness overtaking me
     knowing we will part.
   the whiff of your scent
     as I lie in bed, alone.
   wanting to share every detail of my day,
     because it felt like you were there,
     but somehow missed it.

Love is...

   the pain felt, knowing you are
     miles away.
   feeling helpless being able to comfort you
     with only words.
   a wonderfully painful gift
     I feel towards you.

And my favorite pix from the evening....

Though we didn't get around to playing cards that evening, it was nice to relax at Backstreet's, drink a Black Velvet and ease into the realization I would be unable to do just that in a few weeks.

Oh, the stress of foosball! I was not a very good foosball player but managed to score a goal.

The art of foosball is a serious matter. Note the concentration in Dan's face and the power of the lollipop.

And we can't forget the players......

Matthew and Ginger this past weekend at the coffee shop after a rigerous game of foosball. When did he become an angel? I think there are some things they do not know.

Saying good-bye is not an easy thing, for me. That is prolly why I was not looking forward to this past weekend. The weekend went well and I am very happy with it, but it's still hard knowing I won't be able to see people I care about somewhat frequently.

Part of the reason I find it hard is because I often feel that things could be better. That the relationships could be stringer, at least with family. I feel like I haven't done enough or tried hard enough, when all that I can really do is accept things as they are.

That is where the true problem lies... with accepting things as they are. Why is it so hard? I do not understand why I create high expectations for others to live up to. They could care less and often don't understand why I get upset. One of the hardest lessons for me seems to be to not place my expectations on others and accept them for who they are, point blank.

If only there was a recipe or procedure.

People seem to be drifting away, out of my life. Our connections are lengthening and something is coming between us. This is contrasting to the contacts I have received by a few friends recently; yet, it feels as though they are drifting away.

Is it me that is drifting away?

Perhaps I am isolating myself, subconsciously. That way it will be easier when I move. This would not surprise me. However, part of me feels we are growing apart or there is some disagreement on the way to look at the world. But there is not one way, so that does not seem to fit.

So, I sit here, sipping my coffee, thinking about the egg sandwich I bought that is now going to waste... cold and unappetizing. I was starving, just 20 minutes ago, couldn't wait to eat the egg and cheese croissant. Then, after a squabble, my appetite completely dissolved. The waste of money and effort of getting the sandwich is what is uneasy. That and the lingering of an unresolved squabble.

What a way to start the day.... for some reason, it was one of those mornings were I was already braced for such an event.

Yet I am still surprised...