Community... home

Recently, I read somewhere that what we often search for is around us, we just do not see it or want to see it. We are looking elsewhere. This thought spoke to me and I have been pondering on this...

What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.

~Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

For some time now, since I left the town I grew up in, I have felt adrift. Not making many strong connections, I am floating through the days of life. Only within the past 5 years, have I made a conscious effort to create a home where I was living and make due w/ the limitations and benefits of the place I currently reside. However, it still seems like I cannot find or do not see the community that I long for.

Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.

~Christian Morgenstern

So, I tell myself that it is the place. It's just right for me. That I should travel, and perhaps through traveling I will find a place encompassing what I think is important, where I belong, and not a place I feel I am being put up with. Dismissively, I ponder if such a place exists, yet I feel it does. I just do not know where it is.

Quote of the week

The smallest unit of health is a community.

~Wendell Berry

Loving Actions

From Meredith Ian

Learning to love is like learning to master an instrument or an art. The following is a list of factors these acts all have in common.

Possibility—This includes having the time to devote to the art, and the physical capacity to do it. One can not very well pick up a violin if one’s hands are broken. Time, more often than not, is something that gets in the way of being able to devote oneself to loving.

Commitment—It is much easier to pronounce “I paint” or “I love you” than it is to actually master painting and to unconditionally love someone. Without the wish, will and dedication to work, it will never happen.

Goals—This includes the ultimate goal of mastering the art as well as all the stepping stones along the way. Staying focused on the present is important, yet without an idea of where one is heading it’s easy to get lost.

Instrument—Just as I can not very well master the guitar on a block of wood, I cannot love without an object for my affections. This doesn’t mean a person has to be in a romantic relationship to practice loving—we can practice loving human kind, friends, family, pets, god, and most importantly, ourselves.

Confidence—This does not mean that if you think you’re the best cellist, then you will be. It refers to accepting where you are in your practice. Expecting to be a master on your first try is unrealistic. Mastering an art takes a lifetime, and surely many mistakes will be made along the way.

Patience—Hand-in-hand with confidence, patience is needed to persevere through the low points. If martial arts were easy, everyone would do it. The same goes for love. Truly opening yourself to another, being vulnerable, and accepting the other unconditionally takes a lot of effort. It is a common misconception that “love should just come naturally.”

Model—If I took a person who has never heard music, gave him a clarinet and said, “play me some jazz,” he would not have the foggiest idea what I was talking about. In love, we model our behavior after those who influence us—whether it be from family, friends, a religious figure, mentor, therapist, or books.

Discipline—Practice makes perfect. Even when you’re tired, or when you’d rather just watch a movie, you’ve got to push through and always remember to keep at it.

Persistence—Working closely with confidence, persistence requires having faith in the process of learning. That even though you don’t get it all now, if you keep at it, eventually you will.

Environment—A safe space to learn, practice, make mistakes and try again is also needed. A ballet dancer needs a studio with a bar, and a lover needs freedom to explore and express his or her feelings.

Continuous effort, not superior strength or intelligence, is the key to unlocking our true potential.

~Winston Churchill

Ten Ways to Grow Your Spirit

By Phylameana lila Desy

1. Embrace Your Talents
Recognize and further develop your intelligence and special gifts. Our talents are signifiers that lead us toward our unique paths. Follow your passion and you will soon discover where you fit in this world. When we squelch innate yearnings we lose our way.

2. Tie Up Loose Ends
Unresolved issues eat away at us emotionally and mentally. Tackle troubling things that need dealt with and put them to rest. In the meanwhile, learn not to allow future problems to be ignored. Our wounds fester when they are not attended to in a timely manner. Realize that buried problems always surface eventually. Dealing with difficulties as they arise rather than hiding from them is the best route.

3. Be Responsible in Your Relationships
Turn away from the "blame game" when it comes to addressing problems in your relationships. Be honest about the things that you have said or done that harmed the relationship. Own up to your own failures. Focus on changing your defeating patterns rather than expecting changes from the other person.

4. Love Sometimes Means Saying Goodbye
Not all relationships are meant to last forever. We sometimes out grow our partners, or our partner goes off in a direction which makes us struggle to stay in step with. Sometimes, the most responsible thing you can do is to offer love and compassion to the person as you release the relationship.

5. Let Go of Useless Attachments
If a thing no longer serves a purpose in your life, it is clutter. Clutter can be a physical thing or a belief that blocks your path. Holding on to things that don't feed you will instead eat up your energy. Free your space and expand your energy by getting rid of unwanted gifts, broken or useless items, self-defeating mental images, etc.

6. Confront Your Inner Demons
Everyone makes mistakes or regrets past decisions. Exposing our frailties and recognizing that we are not perfect frees us from feeling stupid or "less than." Bring light to those things that you are not proud of and realize that through these experiences you have learned great lessons, and have likely become a better person for them. Keeping negative actions hidden can overshadow our spirits with shame or depression. We all deserve to live with joy regardless of our imperfections.

7. Accept Change - Go with the Flow
There is a fine line between caution and fear. We are meant to travel along a spiritual pathway. We are not meant to remain stunted in one place for very long. Yes, change can be scary. But, change is a path of learning, so why not follow it? When we resist change we can actually create chaos. Do you want to undertake a lesson down a path which you've chosen, or have lessons thrown at you down a path that was forced upon you?

8. Accept Delays
There are times when we need to be still. Impatience or frustration will not help any situation. Desired changes sometime take time to unfold. You may feel like you are ready to jump into a new arena... but wait. The situation or person that you are wanting to meet may not be ready for you just yet. It's okay to sit at the bus stop for a few more minutes, the bus will arrive eventually. What's the hurry?

9. Love and Honor Yourself
Are you taking good care of yourself? Your physical body is the vehicle that has been loaned to you to live out your life in and to assist growing your spirit with. Pamper your body, tend to your illnesses, exercise and give it the proper nutrients.

10. Dealing with Death and Illness
Physical life is a gift that comes with a variety of experiences. Suffering and illness are bundled in with that package of experiences. Although our bodies have expiration dates, our spirits don't expire. Choosing to look at illness and death in positive ways rather than negatively will help to give your life here on the planet deeper meaning.

Happy Happy Birthday!

Another year has passed... that's 365 days, 8760 hours, 525600 minutes, or 31536000 seconds. And through this past year, my 29th in existence, what occurred? Well, let's have a quick review...

• The start of my non-academic career
  
• The end of a romantic relationship
  
• The completion of my Master's Thesis and Graduate School graduation!
  
• First backpacking trip [which was hard, but great!]
  
• Made a few awesome friends [that have sadly, since moved away]
  
• Fell in love [unfortunately, it was not meant to be]
  
• Had a wonderful NOLA visit [and got to catch up w/ some old friends]
  
• Recently reacquainted w/ throwing pottery [one of my life luvs]
  

Taking the time to stop and reflect has it's benefits. It is not a time to ponder over what has not been accomplished, but what has been accomplished. And so for the next year to come, I hope to add more adventures and meaningful connections to my list.

Holiday weekends!

With this past weekend being a holiday weekend, I decided to head inland for some backpacking/camping. Since daylight is sinking earlier and earlier each day, I headed to Greenville Friday night, after work, and visited w/ JH. After seeing his new apartment and a little visit to the Wine Bar and Christy's later, I quickly fell into sleeping slumbers and groggily awoke the next morning only ready to sleep some more.

Regardless, I continued heading west and arrived at Eno River State Park late in the afternoon, after making a few stops. Luckily, I was able to get the second to last campsite. Eagerly, I headed over to the park and geared up for the 1+ mile hike into the park to find the campsite, equipped w/ a fire ring and pit toilet nearby.

The trails were short [~1-2 mile loops], with part of the trail running inland and the other half running along the river. Surprisingly, there were some steep climbs, although very short, it reminded me of a mix b/t a trail over near Hot Springs mixed w/ an area along the AT [I hiked w/ a few friends in the spring].

Although it was peacefully pleasant and very pretty, the water did not look inviting, and so I kept to the rocks. Apparently, in the spring, went there are more rains, the river is high enough to paddle, but as it was when I visited, one would be portaging more than paddling.

Sunday, K and I slept in and lounged around the campsite. We headed down to Bobbit Hole, not far from the campsite, followed by a short nap, and some reading on a rock up-river. That afternoon we set out on some hiking and explored the other Cole Mill trails. The evening was relaxing w/ some reading while K napped and we went to bed shortly after the sun went down.

I hope to explore the Fews Ford area of the park. Surprisingly, the 3.5 hour drive wasn't that bad and I would definitely like to do it again!

Fourteen Rules for Being Human
from If Life is a Game, These are the Rules by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body.

You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours the entire period this time around.


2. You will learn lessons.

You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.


3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.

Growth is a process of trial and error: experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."


4. A lesson is repeated until learned.

A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.


5. Learning lessons does not end.

There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.


6. "There" is no better than "here."

When your "there" has become a "here," you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."


7. Others are merely mirrors of you.

You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.


8. What you make of your life is up to you.

You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.


9. Life is exactly what you think it is.

You create a life that matches your beliefs and expectations.


10. You always get what you want.

Your subconscious rightfully determines what energies, experiences, and people you attract – therefore, the only fool proof way to know what you want is to see what you have. There are no victims, only students.


11. There is no right or wrong.

There are consequences. Moralizing doesn’t help. Judgments only hold the patterns in place. Just do your best.


12. Your answers lie inside you.

The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.


13. You will forget all this.



14. You can remember it whenever you want.

Saying goodbye... to summer

Yesterday, a cool front rolled in and is lingering giving us a taste of what is to come. Most everyone is happy, relieved of the heat. Yet I am sad, knowing summer is coming to an end, not that it was really here for long anyway. It feels as though summer has come and gone w/out notice.