Another lollipop

Life is full of the unexpected... and most of the time I try to focus on the positive. Yes, it sucks to have your heart broken, but be grateful that you allowed yourself to be vulnerable enough to love another. Yes, having the one person closest to you betray your trust is tough to swallow and even more to let them go, but you wish them well and move on in your life, cherishing the good time you had together. But at the moment, I'm a bit p*ssed off at life and am having trouble seeing the positive. Actually, no, I see it, it's right there, but.... it's a little like this:

Image a young child who has worked so hard, diligently performing all his tasks, everything that has been asked of him, even more than what was asked of him, all the be rewarded with a lollipop. A scrumptious crystallized mouth watering sweet filled lollipop.... and just as he has been handed this lollipop and his little lips, moist with salivation, wrap around the hard sweetness of the lollipop.... a bird sh*ts in his head.

Perhaps some would have no trouble ignoring the foul smell and liquid running down the side of their face as they indulge in their lollipop, but I, for one, cannot.

... and that is how I feel at this moment, in addition to other unresolved emotions that I do not quite know what to do with nor do I know where to begin the write about them.

The present of being present

The ancient Masters were profound and subtle.
Thier wisdom was unfathomable.
There is no way to describe it;
all we can describe is their appearance.

They were careful
as someone crossing an iced-over stream.
Alert as a warrior in enemy territory.
Courteous as a guest.
Fluid as melting ice.
Shapable as a block of wood.
Receptive as a valley.
Clear as a glass of water.

Do you have the patience to wait
till you mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arises by itself?

The Master doesn't seek fulfillment.
Not seeking, not expecting,
she is present, and can welcome all things.

Focusing on the little h

Through my time here in North Carolina, I feel the majority of it has been spent trying to dig myself out of the familiar depressional hole, which I was ever so comfortably curled up in last night, but I have decided that just because most of what I want in my life is not available where I am, I am not going to allow my remaining time here to be miserable.

Although I do not have much nrg and have been thoroughly broken multiple times, I am going to smile in the face of the sh*t laden path that lies before me and focusing on the flowers lining the edge. For in the long run, my unhappiness only impacts myself...

The big H

If happiness is not for me,
so then, what do I see?

Flames of red,
burning bright.
And oceans of blue
dark as the night.

A heavy heart,
full of holes.
Each absence made,
from loves untold.

A scared little girl,
all alone.
Wishing for someone,
to bring her home.

Quote of the week

Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in its own focus.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson