Beaches and barrier islands

Returning from a camping trip on Ocracoke Island, the withdrawls set in. It is a barrier island off the coast of North Carolina that is only assessable by boat with a small village on the southern end leaving the northern portion uninhabited. Ocracoke was ranked America's #1 beach on Dr. Beach's yearly top ten. The village seems primarily survive from tourist, which reminded me of St. Augustine... making it even harder to leave on Sunday. It was so nice to be on the beach, feel the sun on my skin, and look out onto the water. I can't explain it, but it just feels so right when I'm on the beach. The trip made me realize that when looking for where to go after leaving NC in the spring, I need to focus my nrg on the coast. In being away from the beach and making it work elsewhere, I forget the simple nurturing that I find when being near the ocean.

The ocean is a powerful thing and every time I am near it, there is a humbling, contentment that washes over me and I know that everything will be ok. It is not that the ocean makes things ok in my life, it simply fills me up and in doing so, I am more able to endure life's little surprises and move more fluidly through turbulent times.

Living away from the coast, I become conditioned to what in essence is moving against the grain. Exerting endless amounts of energy to make things happen or to create what I think will make me happy, for the meantime, when all I need to to do is go to the beach for an afternoon.

Reflective times like these make me wonder why I have kept myself away from that which brings to much enjoyment and feels like an essential part of my life. Even more so, it makes me question why I am not looking to incorporate it into my future plans. I keep telling myself that I can be happy if I don't live near the beach, while all the time thinking I will return to it eventually, knowing it is where I belong... it is place I am the happiest.

Why then does it feel so far out of reach?

Another year has come and gone and I am one year older. Although I am still uneasy with the thought of growing old, my birthday was very pleasant. Unlike the majority of the population, the thought of growing old is frightening. Death I do not blink an eye at and often welcome, but the thought of growing old is one I do not think I will ever accept.

After years of dreading and ignoring my birthday, I welcomed this one with a big hug. Excitedly, I started the day, like a small child entrusted with a secret that only a few or perceptive people knew. It was not a secret, but it was one the little things, many would not acknowledge.

The day was pleasant, full of birthday wishes, cake, and a few thoughtful gifts. Although the day did not end as I may have hoped for, it was pleasant and fulfilling. To top it all off, I'm joining a few others this weekend on Ocracoke Island for a camping trip. It id the perfect way to end my birthday celebrations.